Say Yes to the Dress

One of my favorite shows to watch with my daughter is "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC.  That and "Four Weddings".  We critique the dresses, their taste, the weddings, venues and food, pick our favorites and cross fingers that our picks are the winners.  

Photo by Photostock/Freedigitalimages.net

Having never had a chance to plan a wedding....I got married on a whim, decided to do so on Wednesday and got married on Saturday - not a whole lot of time for planning, or changing one's mind; I find it fascinating to watch these brides-to-be prepare for their big day, so does my daughter.  I guess her big day will be the one I hopefully will also get a chance to participate in planning for, though not for many years yet. At this time, it is just a distant dream, but as most young girls, she dreams of the day she can walk down the isle dressed as a princess, or at least she did.  Apparently she has given the marriage thing a little bit of thought, and has concluded that "till death do us part" as often as not, is more like "till I can't stand being with you anymore".  

While I was cleaning up the kitchen one evening after we had just watched these brides-to-be pick their perfect dresses,  she walks in and says; "You know, one day, I really would like to have a nice, big wedding, with a perfect dress and flowers and all that, but I don't think I'm gonna bother, 'cause I really don't want to go through the divorce". What?  My preteen daughter has given up on marriage before she has even gone on her first date?

Her statement totally caught me off guard.  And my first thought was, "what have I done wrong?"  Falling in love, getting married and having a family is supposed to be part of every girl's dream, isn't it? So we talked.  About how her parents' failed marriage (and apparently every one of her friends' parents marriages) should not discourage her from trying to find her prince charming - the one she wants to spend her whole life with.  We talked about how true love is possible to find, but that so many just give up too easy. "Like you and daddy?"  I should have seen that one coming...but no, we didn't give up too easy.  We got married without knowing each other, gave it our very best shot, and when he walked out 13 years later, all I could feel was relief. We just weren't meant to be together. 

Photo by Photostock/Freedigitalphotos.net

So has she changed her mind about marriage?  Maybe, but it certainly is not high on her list of things to accomplish in life.  Excelling career wise; in several careers, is on top of her list. Traveling to see the world and exploring the wonders she loves to read about is next.  One day having her own BIG house so she can house all the pets she is not allowed to have now is third.  Becoming a mother is on there somewhere, and I do hope she chooses to get married first, and bring children in to a family. But having spent the majority of her life in a single parent household, and seeing both me and her friends' parents handling things just fine on our own, to her, that no longer seems to be a prerequisite for becoming a parent. 

Evidently I am raising a quite independent, strong minded, young lady, but eliminating the need for, or wish for a family with two adults, is not quite what I strived for. Hopefully that will all change when she one day falls in love.