Search This Blog

Friday, March 8, 2013

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

Happy International Women's Day!!

Oh yeah, I'm celebrating!  I'll admit it; I'm a feminist to the core!  Don't tell me I can't do something just because I'm a woman, or that I have to do anything because I am a woman.  Not gonna go over well! If it's not required or forbidden for men, then the rules are the same for me, and it better apply to my daughter too. 

And let me just be clear. As a feminist, I believe I and every other woman deserves equal opportunities, equal pay and equal rights to men. I don't want to be a man.

I am woman....through and through. Some might see my femininity as a vulnerability, I see it as a strength. As I put on my dress and high heels, finish my make up and color my lips, the woman looking back at me in the mirror, is one that expects to be taken serious by both women and men, and so it is. I don't have to be the best at everything, or have an answer for every question. Frankly I like knowing that every day, I probably will learn something new. Most of the time, that is a pleasant experience. Other times, unfortunately, one learns that manners is still scarce among some. Shake it off and move on. 

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. ~Faith Whittlesey 

Born in the 70's, I guess I should be grateful we have come such a long way....or have we?  It never occurred to me that my gender would be an issue when applying for jobs, or that choosing to become a mother would somehow lessen my value as an employee. Sadly, that still seems to be the case. I remember a college professor telling us that "if you have a name like Chris or Pat or any other that could be used for both women and men, do not indicate on your resume or cover letter that you are a woman". My initial though was, and still is, "why on earth not?" Is it really still a question whether a woman can be as qualified and good at a job as a man? Well after last years presidential campaign and the so-called "war on women", I would say the time clock seems to have been turned backwards, and we really need to step it up for women's rights!  

If you think that men and women are wired differently, I won't argue with you.  But if you don't see that having a good mix of both women and men in an office makes for a great work environment, then I will.  If you don't see that women might attack an issue from a different angle than a man, but that she at the same time gives valuable insight that might otherwise have gone unnoticed,  I will. If you don't think that being a mother gives you great experience at multitasking, not to mention settling disputes, I will. If you think that women who work their way up the corporate ladder, should have to compromise their values and accept unwanted advances, snide remarks and so on from their male counterparts, just for trying to break in to the  "good ole boys club" of upper management, I will.  Enough, already! We shouldn't have to put on our big girl pants and deal with it.  Instead, things need to change!

When I ask my daughter what she wants to be when she grows up, the fact she is a girl should have no bearing on her choice. Her interests and abilities should. Let it please be so when she gets to that point. Just to  be on the safe side, I continuously advice her to find a career where she can start her own business....'cause you know, women can do that too.

Back to my high heels. My point in all this, is that the time women no longer should have to fight for their rights is long overdue. For decades women have been blamed for their own misfortunes.  The way we dress is the reason men cannot help themselves from harassing or raping women. We are too fragile to manage the tough life of upper management...or was it that we care too much about our family to always put work first?  When we stand up for our rights, we are feminists, ugly at that, and who wants to listen to an ugly woman...?!? Please, go find a man to take care of you instead.  Again, enough already!

I don't need to be taken care of. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. I don't expect anything for free. But I do expect the same opportunities as my male counterpart. I do expect to be paid the same for equal work, and I certainly expect to be able to make all decisions regarding my body myself!! More so, I expect to do all this dressed in my sometimes too short skirts and too high heels....and red lips too.  Isn't it time it is so?


Friday, January 18, 2013

Motherhood Is Not For Sissies

Remember when you were little and playing with dolls, and dreaming of the day that doll would be a real baby?  If you were anything like me and my friends, you graduated to playing with real people, making the youngest one  the baby, the oldest one the mom and so on.  I was fortunate enough to have a playmate who always wanted to be "pregnant". Being the youngest one, I was given the role as the unborn baby, and had to lay under the bed until they decided it was time for me to be born...and they wonder why I'm screwed up.

It took me a while,  but when I hit 30, the clock apparently started ticking really loud, and I decided it was time to become a mom. Beside my choice of who to have babies with, I have never questioned that decision, which really makes me wonder what extra gene women were given to endure the transformation from "put together professional with a perfect life" to .... well, this.

First you go through 9 months of turning the body in to a whale, all while hormones are flying and taste buds are going nuts. I expect that was an experiment to test the dads.  Then, for most, after agonizing hours in pain, you squeeze out this little, screaming thing. The exhaustion of going through labor, the joy of finally being able to get your body back, and the knowledge that you made it and the baby is healthy, is then all bundled in to unconditional love for this little, squirming, wrinkly baby. No matter what she looks like, she's perfect!

Then starts the real fun.  Weeks and months of no sleep. Getting puked on, peed and pooped on, constantly cleaning up dirty diapers, a never ending mountain of laundry (how is that possible with such a little person?!?), and definitely a severe lack of "me time". The reward of seeing your baby grow and getting to know you, changing and learning something new day by day, is all you need to keep on going.

Then comes the toddler years, where you can no longer have anything nice. At least not anywhere close to where she can reach it. Everything is locked up, and starting out, the baby locks are just as effective on adults as the toddler. You might get a full night sleep, but you also need it after spending the day chasing a toddler in every direction, developing the infamous eyes in the neck and an extra set of arms (OK, that might not actually happen). Being a mom should tell any potential employer you're a great multi-tasker...I'm telling you, it's a good thing they make babies and toddlers cute!!
Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Yet again, the rewards seem small, but only to the outsider.  A hug or a sticky little kiss from the "princess" will brighten any mom's day.  Sad, little puppy eyes and a single tear, will melt any mom's heart. And the "I love you mom" at the end of the day, makes it all worth it!   

Then they start school, and the fun of trying to fit in, making new friends, learning and being as smart as the next kid starts.  And when everything is not as you hope they would be, mom turns in to teacher, therapist, and most of the time super-mom. You are still bigger than life, and as far as they know, there aren't any problems that mom cannot solve.  We do our best to live up to that!

We teach them manners, right from wrong, the joy of sharing and giving, little tidbits of real life, all while keeping traditions alive with Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. But most importantly, we teach them about unconditional love.

Next they tend to go in to what I refer to as the "awkward" period.  Their looks are changing, and most are either missing teeth or have some that are just too big for their little faces.  Somehow moms start the transfer from supermoms to stupid-moms during this period.  We're definitely good to have around, but unfortunately no longer privileged to every little detail of their lives anymore. Some conversations are now reserved for BFF's and not for mom.

Teenagers?  We are getting awfully close, and all I can hope for at this time, is that princess does not automatically turn in to punk, and that all our embarrassing - if you ask my kids -  talks about life's little mysteries, as well as realities regarding dating, drugs, and growing up in general has stuck in the back of her mind.  I am now the full fledged "stupid mom" - nothing "super" left in this one. I am also old fashioned, totally uncool, know nothing about fashion, and am really only good for driving mom's taxi, paying the bills, cooking and cleaning. Occasionally I am also good for mending a broken heart, breaking up fights, settle arguments and give a little boost to the self esteem. But only very occasionally. The rest of the time, could I just please leave them alone?!? ....the countdown to adulthood has started.
Sadly I don't think 18 is going to be the magic point.  More like 48.  They are my kids, and will forever be more important to me than I am. That is not saying I will forgo my own well being for theirs, but I will never stop worrying, helping when I can, make suggestions and hope they follow them, and...well, be a mom.  The reward will always be in seeing their accomplishments - little or big, their happiness and well being, and of course feeling the everlasting, unconditional love. And that, my friend, is what makes parenthood all worth it!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

2013 Is the Year To Make It Happen

It's a new year, with new opportunities. Since we survived the Mayan predicted end of the world, and life is seemingly continuing in the same fashion, I guess it's time to make the most of it. 

Step number one - catch up on my horoscopes for 2013.  It's nice to start out knowing where the planets and stars will be aligned, so I can put my efforts in where they're needed....no, really, I read it for fun, and to boost my belief that this will be my year. In fact, I read a whole slew of them, and then compiled all my favorite parts in to "my horoscope" for the year. If all comes true, I will fall in love, have great, satisfying sex (yes, that was actually predicted in one!), greatly improve my health, have a fabulous financial year (thank God!!), and make great strides in my career....OK, it did mention I will have to work a little for that one, but at least I know my efforts will be worth it.

I was really hoping to see that my kids would start listening to me, stop arguing with each other and me, do their chores without being told a million times, keep their grades up and  be the loveable, great kids I know they are; or can be, but that the rest of the world probably is missing out on. Unfortunately there was no mention of accomplishing anything as a parent...  

I was also hoping to see the date for when my lottery ticket would be a jackpot winner; probably not gonna happen, since it did state "my wants and needs will be taken care of, not my greed" - so guess that is out...unless I really lay out how that would cater to my wants and needs as well as those of others...gotta work on that one. 

A little mention about the ex deciding to be a great father and following through with it, would have been welcome too, but that is apparently not in the stars....guess even they can't figure out how to make that happen.

Jokes and horoscopes aside, I have decided to make 2013 a fabulous year. I'm tired of just getting by, not having the opportunity to do what I want, when I want to, having to say no to my kids' requests more often than not, and feeling like I'm stuck in an everlasting rut. Time to move ahead, leave 2012 and all its nonsense behind. Time to look ahead, reach goals and make dreams come true. Time to show off the 40+ and fabulous girl!  Here I come!!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Mid Life Crisis

It's a new year, and even though I have made no efforts of making new years resolutions, I have taken some time to reflect on my life. Not all discoveries of my mid-life is pleasant:
  1. I have a sneaking suspicion I too am mortal.  
  2. Judging by a few new lines and sagging butt, "forever young" apparently does not apply to me.
  3. My bathroom mirror is a liar!!
  4. My bathroom scale is no longer my friend.
  5. I would like to have a relationship, but have no energy or time to pursue one.
  6. According to my recollection, sex is a good thing...pretty sure I still remember how, but referring to  no. 5, that might be a mute point.
  7. When I look at my now "know-it-all-so-much-better-than-you-mom" kids, my first thought has gone from "I am so lucky to be your mother" to "I have stretch marks for this?!?"
  8. There is a whole lot more to remember than there used to be. 
  9. Sleeping with my contacts in, is my only defense for not seeing well enough to find my glasses in the morning.
  10. The prescription for my glasses is still correct. Wearing them on top of having contacts in, is what makes everything seem distorted.
  11. Somehow everybody else got younger...
  12. Naps.  I love naps!
  13. I turn down invitations for parties and dinners, because the effort of getting ready does not seem worth it. 
  14. The hair growth on my legs has slowed down. Good thing, so I have extra time to take care of that mustache...
  15. My collection of "lounge wear" has replaced the "club wear"
  16. The 80's fad of wearing sneakers with your dress now seems like a good idea...
  17. Red sports cars are hot! 
  18. My hair alone cannot make me look 10 years younger (damn it!)
  19. There is no dress code at the grocery store.
...well, even with all this, getting older is still better than the alternative.  Expecting 2013 to be a fabulous year!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

A Fairytale From the 21st Century

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." 


That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
"I don’t think so."

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Gift Buying Guide - How to Make Your Man Happy!!

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. 

  1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can really never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
  2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
  3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99- cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
  4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
  5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
  6. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
  7. Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.
  8. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
  9. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
  10. Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
  11. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #6 and what happens when he gets a label-maker.
  12. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
  13. Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.  



Well, there you have it!  Don't end up with this. So follow the rules, and your man should be one happy camper come Christmas morning.... You're welcome :-)


Friday, November 23, 2012

How To End The War In Afghanistan

The soldiers have been pulled out of Irak, and there might be a plan to end the war in Afghanistan, but here's my suggestion to speed up that process.

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause, train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna, and drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.

We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.

We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.

Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.

Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!

Let us go and fight! The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.

I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!