Compliments

As so many other women, I do not have the best self esteem.  I am confident in my professional abilities, and in my role as a mother. But when it comes to my looks, I can spend hours finding faults with myself, so I have a hard time accepting compliments.  

Photo by Ambro/freedigitalphotos.net

My automatic reaction is to point out what is wrong with me, that is, until my friend told me how rude that is.  When you answer a compliment with pointing out why that cannot be true, you are not only turning down the kindness of the other person's words, but you are pointing out that he/she has bad taste.  So, according to my friend, when someone pays me a compliment, even if I totally disagree, I should just say "Thank You!" So I'm working on it, and so should you!

To help us all along with accepting compliments, let me share this letter written by a man to mature women:

What is it with you girls and self esteem?

Photo by Danilo Rizzuti/freedigitalphotos.net

There are many things I wonder about and don't understand in this world.  At the same time, I find that the older one gets, the more one ponders life's little wonders.  If it's because one has become "old and wise" or just have too much time is to be left unsaid.  Either way, spending some time pondering by oneself, can be both interesting and fun.

One of many things that never stop surprising me, is the issue of women and self confidence, or more specifically, the total lack of self esteem.

It starts at a relatively young age and reaches kind of a peak during the teen years.  Have you ever tried telling a teenage girl she is beautiful?  Then you probably also know that such a compliment is met with a slue of negative arguments.  Everything, and then I mean absolutely everything, is in the girl's own eyes, wrong. The teeth are uneven, the ears too big, the mouth too small, the hair too short, the boobs are completely absent, the legs too skinny, belly too fat...I could go on and on.  And when a teenage girl receives the positive comment "you are so pretty!" from a girlfriend, it is to be answered with "no - YOU are so pretty". WTF?

Photo by Teerata/Freedigitalphotos.net

Then the happy 20's arrive, and for some also part of the 30's. I have no idea what actually happens, but at some point, it's as if someone turned a switch.  When these girls eventually realize that they're getting an enormous amount of attention, it sometimes seems like they think they own the world. 

Everything that previously was so damn wrongly proportioned, is now to be emphasized with help of high heals, short skirts and push-up bras that almost park the nipples in the ears.  And at the beach, the young ladies' bathing suits can best be compared to two band-aids and a wine cork.  OK, I admit many women made their way up the ladder with a nice ass and bouncy tits, but when gravity eventually takes its merciless tolls, it's OK to have a bit of a personality too.

I'm of course talking about the 40 -/+. Then it's apparently time to go back to the horrible self esteem of the teenage years, just with a few new characteristics: stretch marks, love handles, cellulite, wrinkles, sagging butt, drooping boobs and so on.  Some women are so morbidly focused on this that they actually manage to live up to these characteristics. Others are just a little depressed over the changes. The most remarkable ones however, are the ones that seem to bloom.  Now it's getting interesting...!

Many adult women experience getting quite a bit of attention from far younger men, and with this I have a few experiences of my own to share.  When I was in my early 20's, all I looked at. were more mature women.  There was nothing more beautiful that a women around 40, and when I was in a flirty mood - with good help from a few cocktails, I had no problem expressing my enthusiasm for her either. I did of course get met with the, after a while quite legendary phrase "OMG, I could be your mother!", to which my answer was "Point isn't that  you could  be my mom, the point is you are not!"  That answer proved to be difficult to argue. Capitulation was a fact, without me wanting to elaborate any more on what the results of that was.

Dear, dear mature ladies:

Have you any idea of how beautiful you are?  Some idiot, most likely some superficial man, has tried to convince you that the goal is to reach the grave in a almost unused hull.  That is not the way it is!  We are many men who greatly appreciate women who both can and also dear to be...just that, women. 

Photo  by Ambro/Freedigitialphotos.net

Not a bad word about young women and their looks - but they cannot compete with a real woman who is nicely dressed, with discreet, but perfect make up, who has confidence in herself, smells subtly of a good perfume, behaves politely and correctly and smiles with bot her eyes and mouth.  Then you can have cellulite like an orange farm and stretchmarks like the Grand Canyon.  You are the ones embarrassed by this, not us men!

That your bodies no longer look unused is just a sign that you have lived and learned. This again are signs that you have life experience and confidence, and that is exactly what is part of making you so damn attractive. You are alive!

Last, but not least; stop thinking that every grown man really wants a young 20 year old chick.  Most men are actually painfully aware that that train passed, me included.  I'm already in the danger zone for a massive heart attack.  Then what on earth do I need someone who will speed up the process? And, what would a young woman at the starting line of her life want with me?

So hurray for the blindingly beautiful, stylish and mature woman!!

Remember, to love one self is the start of a lifelong love story....

There you have it. Hopefully this will help, 'cause I have nothing better...