Happy Halloween

OK, pretty corny, but still kind of funny.  Have a happy and safe Halloween!!

UCLA Streaker Faces Felony Charges

Streakers at football games is nothing new. However, I have never seen one quite like this one:

 

Jacen Lankow entered the stadium with a fake access pass wearing a  trainers outfit.  He entered the field blowing a whistle and trying to steal the game ball, before the referees realized he was not part of their team.

With all the attention on the streaker, pushing and shoving erupted among the players, causing a bench clearing brawl that has rendered 10 players suspended....bet they love Mr. Lankow.

Lankow was arrested and charged with criminal impersonation, a felony charge, and faces up to 18 months in jail - a little harsh for running around a football field in your underwear, don't you think?  Lankow, who is scheduled to graduate in December, is also facing disciplinary action from the University of Arizona, and could be expelled for the episode. 

He reportedly did this to boost his chances for getting on the reality show "Wipe Out", but stated in an interview with Jimmy Kimmel Live that he was not schedules for appearance on the reality show, and has not even applied. He just wanted a "last hurray" for his senior year and do something that had not been done before.

I guess he accomplished his goal then, and will have a great story to tell for years.  For his parents' sake, I hope the charges will be dropped or at least reduced, and that he will still graduate on schedule.

40+ and Fabulous

You know I have to read this one!!

Obviously I need some help in finding my own inner fab!  So who better than Sondra Wright to tell me how.  Can't wait!

"This book teaches you how to be vibrant and vivacious at any age. Learn from smart, sassy, dynamic women who are loving life into their 50s, 60s and later. Discover what they did when adversity snuck in and how they overcame it.

Let “40+ and Fabulous” be the catalyst to your best years. Imagine what your life will be like after incorporating the lessons in “40+ and Fabulous.” You can find the book on Amazon.

I follow her on Facebook, and love the "daily nuggets". Check out the 40+ and Fabulous page here.

Sex Eduation Controversy

Stemming from a rise in unplanned pregnancies and sexual transmitted diseases, the Bloomberg administration is now making sexual education compulsory for teenagers in New York City.  The program will be taught to middle school and high school students, and although abstinence will still be a big part of the program, they will now also learn about, and how to use birth control, appropriate age for sexual activity, how to protect themselves from unwanted sexual advances and how to avoid abusive relationships, according to Downtown Magazine NYC. 

Photo by Scottchan/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

NY Times reports that parents will be able to have their children opt out of the lessons on birth-control methods. City officials said that while there would be frank discussions with students as young as 11 on topics like anatomy, puberty, pregnancy and the risks of unprotected sex, the focus was to get students to wait until they were older to experiment. At the same time, knowing that many teenagers are sexually active, the administration wants to teach them about safe sex in the hopes of reducing pregnancy, disease and dropouts. 

However, some of the details surfacing about the program, such as the students having to visit a drug store to purchase condoms, map out routes to free clinics etc. has the NYC Parents' Choice Coalition speaking out against the program. According to CNN, the group is urging parents to opt their children out of sexual education classes and demand that a more abstinence driven alternative be taught instead. My hope is they will not be able to do so.

I thought the abstinence "education" was ridiculous when they first introduced it, and luckily, since then, things have changed, and schools in several states are teaching students more in line with reality.  Do not get me wrong, I certainly hope that continuous teaching of abstinence has an impact, and that more teenagers will feel it is OK to wait; however, for the ones that don't (and be honest, how old were you your first time?), I find it so important that they know how to protect themselves not only from unwanted pregnancies, but also from STD's.

As parents we can certainly say we will teach the children this ourselves as we see fit; problem is, we tend to think of our children as just that, children, for much longer than they are.  When mine had to go through their school's sexual education last year, they weren't really keen on it, finding it somewhat embarrassing. But when I gave them the choice to either learn it in school or sit down with me, the choice was clear. This was not something they wanted me involved in.  Although, luckily they do think it is OK to come to me with questions.

As much as we might tell them we are available, and they can talk to us about anything, there are so many things our children will never discuss with us. Thankfully having these programs in school, they will at least know how to protect themselves physically; then maybe we as parents can work on the emotional aspect of it, and also reiterate the importance of waiting till one is older and responsible enough to actually be sexually active.

The Pity Party Is Over!

After a relaxing day with a good book, hot tea and sunny skies outside, I spent Saturday night reflecting on my current situation, past (now obvious) mistakes, and oh so many destructive patterns I have chosen through the years. By the end of the night, I was having quite the pity party, because sadly, I still manage to make choices and accept behavior that does nothing but break down my self respect and renders me in a state of mind far from where I want to be. Worse is I can't blame anyone but myself.

 I continue to push away those who might bring some positive influence to my life, refuse to take advice from well meaning friends - because I don't think I need it, and I certainly didn't ask for it, and welcome those who only upset the balance of my life, and cause heartache and frustration. As I continue my "transformation to fabulous", watch what I eat and work out, it might be time to also take a good look at my emotional self, my self image and start living up to the standards I say I find acceptable in my life.

I never saw myself as the "pushover"; although my upbringing in which I learned to include everyone, to stand up for those who needed it, be a good friend and so on, has at times made it difficult to say no in fear of hurting a friend's feelings. Even so, I have never felt used by anyone close to me, and in my professional life, I have with exception of one job, had nothing but good relations with coworkers and managers. I continue living by the Golden Rule, and try my best to treat others the way I want to be treated. When at times I feel like I do much more for others than I get in return, I figure it will come back to me in time. Karma always works its way.  However, in my romantic relationships, the story seems quite different. What a surprise, huh?

Photo by Salvatore Vuono/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I would like to blame my relationship issues on my marriage, but that would be lying to myself. I had issues long before I got married, and my marriage was filled with more good than bad, at least for the first decade.

After my marriage failed, I was so thrilled with my new found freedom, I definitely went about things wrong. But at the time I was not looking for anything but fun either. I started dating a very handsome man, but had already decided to move quite far away, so for me it was just a fling. However I thoroughly enjoyed being treated like a princess, so I waited a couple of months to tell him. As he kept talking about wanting to settle down, I wondered how to break the news I was moving and still hold on to my "boy toy" until I left (and yes, I can hear how bad that sounds...). 

As time passed, I think I was looking for a more long term relationship, although I would never admit it. I was very happily single, handling every aspect of my life quite well without someone else meddling in my business - I didn't need anybody to share any responsibilities with, didn't need anyone to "take care of me", and I certainly didn't need to take care of anyone else. It was with that attitude I entered into my next relationship. Not quite intentionally, it just kind of happened. We dated for months, and I spent almost all my free time with him, which was very enjoyable considering he is one of the nicest guys I have ever met.  I introduced him to both my kids and my friends, yet I cannot recall ever referring to him as my boyfriend.  He never  got out of the "some guy I'm dating" status. I don't think I even ever told him I liked him - I figured he knew. Did I acquire the girlfriend status? Maybe. I never asked. I know that is what his friends referred to me as, but it wasn't that important. 

With such seemingly little enthusiasm about this whole relationship, you would think I could care less if it lasted or not.  Surprisingly not so. When it ended quite abruptly, I was so hurt, I shunned the male species for well over a year. And I spent countless hours doing the moron analysis of the "breakup", not the relationship...don't ask. For a while I was convinced it was my forgetting his birthday that must have caused it. Then I blamed it on something my girlfriend told him.  There was of course nothing wrong with me or my behavior. (Feel free to roll your eyes right along with me...)

Fast forward a while (let's not focus on exactly how long), and Ms. Pink is ready to reenter the dating world.  I had watched my girlfriend go wholeheartedly into the "task" of finding a suitable mate. She was now happily engaged, and I though there might be a slim chance there was someone out there for me too. I just wasn't willing to use the same means as her (read internet dating...), but figured the old fashioned way of actually meeting people face to face might still work.

I got lucky. I met this great guy. Fell head over heals for him, but quite obviously I had not learned anything from my previous failed attempts. There was one big difference though. Where I never had to fight for attention before, this one was awfully popular, and I was so eager to "win the prize", I all of a sudden accepted not always being treated as well as I thought I deserved. For a while. Then I decided I wanted it to be more or not at all, and sent him a completely irrational email in the middle of the night (where is that app that stop those late night emails and texts...??).

Long story short - he ran, but no so very far. We stayed in touch, met occasionally, talked on the phone, chatted and text flirted all at a safe distance until recently. Somehow I just put on the blinders and charged ahead, all the time knowing I probably will get hurt or end up with a bruised ego, and again without being able to blame anyone but myself. This is where my pity party started.  

Knowing very clearly what I want, and at the same time being fully aware that this is probably not where I will find it, is one thing. Reducing myself to being treated as a slut is quite another.  If you have read my blog for a while, you are probably aware of my feminist side, seeing most women as strong independent persons, and finding it quite acceptable for women to take the same approach to dating as men do (see Are You Dating Material or Just Dick). So even though I refer to "boy toy" above, and admittedly have not always been straight forward with my intentions in relationships, I still treat them with respect. At least I think I have, and I expect the same back.

It took quite the lonely pity party to finally convince myself that I am the only one who can make changes in my life.  As Elanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"...and I guess silence is a sign of consent, thus allowing others to make me feel less worthy. Somehow it seems so much easier to speak up for others than for myself, but that needs to change. So pity party is over. and I am back to being the confident, strong woman I describe myself as (still with a few loops of insecurity, but that's a work in progress!). 

Photo by Salvatore Vuono/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Once I decided things needed to change, it was like I finally saw the signs all around me. Funny how that is. Once you are open to hearing what others have to say, they tell you exactly what you need to hear. And everywhere I looked yesterday; at church, in my books, even on Facebook I was finding affirmations of my decision to make changes. Kind of made me feel like everyone had been watching and waiting for me to wake up and smell the coffee. Guess I did.  And frankly, it was quite the relief to know I don't have to depend on anyone else to change. It is all in me.

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time. ~Anna Freud

The Ultimate Weight Loss Quiz

Although I am not trying to loose weight, I do try to eat healthy, most of the time.  I thought I was well informed regarding what works and what doesn't, but apparently there is more to learn.

Photo by Healingdream/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Check out MSN's The Ultimate Weight Loss Quiz and test your knowledge too.

Have a happy and healthy weekend!

Owning a Canadian

An oldie, but goodie. Please do not take offense to this, but it might be time to rethink taking everything in the Bible literally... and when put like this, how can you not laugh?

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S. man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Photo by Matt Banks/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Dear Dr. Laura:

 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

 

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

 

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

Photo by Bill Langshaw/FreeDigitigalPhotos.net

 

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

 

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

 

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

 

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

 

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

 

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.

Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

 

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

 

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

 

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

 

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 

Your adoring fan,

 

 

P.S. It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian.

The author of the letter which first started circulating in 2000 is still unknown according Snopes.com 

Penguin Sweaters

Earlier this month, a container ship ran aground near New Zealand's North Island, causing oil spills which according to New Zealand's Environment Minister is the nation's most significant maritime environmental disaster.

MSN reports that blue penguins were soaked in oil from the spill. In their oil-soaked state, the birds shouldn’t preen themselves because their feathers are contaminated. They also need help staying warm before and after rescue workers do what they can to clean them up. So check what knitters around the world have done for them:

Could it get any more adorable?  

You can read the whole article from MSN here.

Transformation to Fabulous

Almost there...not really, but fabulous is right around the corner. There might not have been enough work out sessions, but I'm getting there, and so far the results are OK. If for nothing else, I am feeling better. Here's where we are so far:

 The perky butt on the left is what I want it to look like.....so obviously I have a little more work to do before reality on the right matches the goals, but getting there (can I blame it on the angle...?? I'm really not crooked, but it's hard to take pictures of your own backside...)

 Maybe a few more muscles on the top one, but hey, I think I'm doing good for 40+...

Can you see it?  The hidden six-pack?  Not yet?  It's coming!

On with the sneakers and out the door!  Fabulous pictures soon to come :-)

The Power of Kindness

Saturday I went out with a friend for a couple of drinks. While walking through downtown, we passed a homeless man sitting on the curb asking us for money.  I normally do not give them money, but this guy struck me as different, and instead of saying I didn't have any and just walk along, I looked at him and told him I would give him money if he could explain to me why he was now in this position.  

Seth, as I learned his name was, stood up and told me he was a college graduate, he had a good career in the insurance industry and also competed in martial arts for 20 years. He was happily married with children, when he lost his job, and was unable to find a new one. As money got tight and he still couldn't find work, he lost faith in himself, his marriage fell apart and he finally just gave up. 

Photo by Aleksandr Kutsuyev/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 It wasn't quite the story I had expected. And certainly much more honesty than I had expected, so we continued talking.  We talked about not loosing faith, and never letting go of hopes and dreams. On the sidewalk in the midst of a busy bar district, we talked about what it would take for him to get his life back, resources that are available, and what he has to offer a prospective employer. As we talked, it shifted from me giving suggestions to him coming up with ideas. I looked at him and said; "Just don't  loose hope. Never lose hope", to which he answered, now with tears in his eyes; "It's hard not to when your whole life falls apart. But you have no idea how nice it is to be treated like a person. Thank you!"

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” 

Tao Te Ching

For all I know, Seth is crazy, and everything he told me were lies. However, I don't doubt that his self worth has been radically reduced when he spends his days begging for money.  Nor do I doubt that he is talked down to and disrespected on a regular basis. Maybe he enjoyed our conversation, or maybe he just chatted along to get money. I hope he will now think of the possibilities in life and start dreaming again. And I hope he will act on some of his ideas and start rebuilding his life.  But do I think our conversation was a life changing event for him?  No, even I am not that naive. However, I do believe that if he was met with kindness and genuine interest for his well being every day, then each day would be a stepping stone in rebuilding his life. 

My point is not for you to run out and strike up a conversation with a homeless person - although, I'm pretty sure if you do, it would make their day better; my point is that like Seth, so many people spend their days in utter loneliness, not being seen. Maybe the change we need to make in our society is to start caring about each other again.

We teach our children to be nice to each other, to share and to let everyone be included in their games, yet we get so  busy with out own lives, we could care less what our neighbor is going through because we don't want to intrude. We judge people by their cover and assume their own actions lead to their misfortunes - without ever taking the time to find out what truly happened.  We see people who need help, yet figure it is not our place to offer it and walk on by. Change it!  Lend a helping hand, a smile or a kind word.  When you greet your neighbor and ask how she is doing, be prepared to hear, and care about how she really is doing.  Lets get away from the "time is money" attitude, because caring is priceless.  

"Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch.  It is anything that lifts another person."

Time to Grow Up?

Just sharing a picture I took this summer, and found quite amuzing. 

Pink bike? Sure, but is it not time to remove the tassels from the handlebars soon? Or was I the only one who noticed that...?

What Is Your Why?

Given choices, my son will change his mind ten times until I finally just make a decision for him; at which time he will whine and complain that it was not what he wanted.  Same story every time.  And certainly just as annoying every time; however, apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Where I don't take much time to make a choice, I don't necessarily put much thought in to why I want it. But once I think something or someone, is the best choice for me - watch out. I will not stop until I get what I want, most often to find out it was not what I wanted at all.  So I change my mind and go for something else.  At least my son doesn't put any effort in to getting what he wants until he is sure it is truly what he wants.

Photo by jscreationzs/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 Maybe it is the notion that the grass is always greener on the other side, or maybe it is just my prerogative as a woman to constantly change my mind.  Either way, it is time to stop.  Chasing illusions is definitely not going to make me happy.

I had the privilege to listen to some very accomplished women speak over the past few weeks. No matter what their topic, the one thing each and every one of them brought up, was that you have to know your "why."  At first I didn't get it. It seemed obvious to me that I want to be successful to provide for my family and feel accomplished.  But when the follow up question was "have you achieved all your goals?", to which my answer was "no", or "not yet", and we then were told our "why" was not big enough, I finally understood what they meant. Until you leave yourself no options but to reach your goals, because the reason you are doing it is so big and important to you, you will not truly be successful. As an extreme example, if your child could only survive if you reached your goal, there is no question you would.  Nothing could stop you from saving your child. Finding a reason that compelling to reach your goals (though not necessarily that dramatic), will make it easy to do what you need to do, to make it to where you want to be.

Photo by Renjith Krishnan/FreeDigitialPhotos.net

 It was an eye opener for me and many others. But a good one.  With regards to my work, I have set specific goals, and my reasons for wanting to achieve them are very clear.  It is no longer the simple "I want to be successful", but detailed descriptions of what I want to accomplish financially for my family, and the reason for this, the lessons it will teach not only me, but also my children about working diligently towards a goal and the rewards of achieving it, the needs it will cover and so on.  

Now I am also applying the same concept in my personal life. Not quite as successfully yet, but I am trying. My "transformation to fabulous" is going better, and my "why" is to get healthy.  I want to live long, in time be a grandma that is worth having around, not one who is always dependent on others, but one who is a vital part of, and at the core of the family; I want to have good quality of life, my entire life, so obviously I have to make some changes. Slowly but surely we are getting there.  

When it comes to dating, ... OK, that might be the one area I have not yet applied this thinking. There is still a rather good chance of this forecast, and not always the results I wished for.  

But not to worry, that will change too.  There are so many reasons why staying single seems like the best option (I was born with the ultra feminist core....not always the one trait a man is looking for; especially not when I still suffer a bit from the bad boy syndrome. I am stubborn, independent, outspoken and most often certain that my way is the right way...any more questions about why I am single???) On the other hand, it could be nice to have someone special in my life. 

My next step is to define "nice" to get to my "why."

According to my daughter, I have turned in to one of those annoying single mothers, and she is ready to sign me up for internet dating.  Luckily I caught on when she said, "Let me make a video of you. Say something nice about yourself". When I asked her why we were doing this, her answer was "Because you are just not photogenic, but you can't screw up a whole video. Now mom, if you were to go out with a guy, what would you be looking for...." Guess that was her hint to go find someone to share my life with before I'm too old. Maybe that will be have to be part of my "why." 

Bottom line is, if you are just going through the motions, nothing will ever change.  Without goals, you cannot make your road map for success. But if you don't know WHY you want to reach your goals, even the best plan will not get you there. 

I hope when you count the stars you begin with yourself, and may you embrace the moonlight with your dreams.  ~Dodinsky

Have a fabulous week!

Some Well Deserved Me Time

I think it's important to take some time to your self each and every day. Time to just let everything go for a few moments, relax and clear your mind.  Sadly, it is not very often I find time for just me. After a busy week, I'm feeling a bit like Heather Headley. Think I will make this my theme song:

I'm done with work for the day, so I'm finding my book and putting my feet up for a while.

Hope you all have a great weekend, and have some Me Time!!

Sometimes You Just Have to Say It Like It Is.

 

Yep, this pretty much sums it up for today!  Have a marvelous Monday!