What Is Your Why?

Given choices, my son will change his mind ten times until I finally just make a decision for him; at which time he will whine and complain that it was not what he wanted.  Same story every time.  And certainly just as annoying every time; however, apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Where I don't take much time to make a choice, I don't necessarily put much thought in to why I want it. But once I think something or someone, is the best choice for me - watch out. I will not stop until I get what I want, most often to find out it was not what I wanted at all.  So I change my mind and go for something else.  At least my son doesn't put any effort in to getting what he wants until he is sure it is truly what he wants.

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 Maybe it is the notion that the grass is always greener on the other side, or maybe it is just my prerogative as a woman to constantly change my mind.  Either way, it is time to stop.  Chasing illusions is definitely not going to make me happy.

I had the privilege to listen to some very accomplished women speak over the past few weeks. No matter what their topic, the one thing each and every one of them brought up, was that you have to know your "why."  At first I didn't get it. It seemed obvious to me that I want to be successful to provide for my family and feel accomplished.  But when the follow up question was "have you achieved all your goals?", to which my answer was "no", or "not yet", and we then were told our "why" was not big enough, I finally understood what they meant. Until you leave yourself no options but to reach your goals, because the reason you are doing it is so big and important to you, you will not truly be successful. As an extreme example, if your child could only survive if you reached your goal, there is no question you would.  Nothing could stop you from saving your child. Finding a reason that compelling to reach your goals (though not necessarily that dramatic), will make it easy to do what you need to do, to make it to where you want to be.

Photo by Renjith Krishnan/FreeDigitialPhotos.net

 It was an eye opener for me and many others. But a good one.  With regards to my work, I have set specific goals, and my reasons for wanting to achieve them are very clear.  It is no longer the simple "I want to be successful", but detailed descriptions of what I want to accomplish financially for my family, and the reason for this, the lessons it will teach not only me, but also my children about working diligently towards a goal and the rewards of achieving it, the needs it will cover and so on.  

Now I am also applying the same concept in my personal life. Not quite as successfully yet, but I am trying. My "transformation to fabulous" is going better, and my "why" is to get healthy.  I want to live long, in time be a grandma that is worth having around, not one who is always dependent on others, but one who is a vital part of, and at the core of the family; I want to have good quality of life, my entire life, so obviously I have to make some changes. Slowly but surely we are getting there.  

When it comes to dating, ... OK, that might be the one area I have not yet applied this thinking. There is still a rather good chance of this forecast, and not always the results I wished for.  

But not to worry, that will change too.  There are so many reasons why staying single seems like the best option (I was born with the ultra feminist core....not always the one trait a man is looking for; especially not when I still suffer a bit from the bad boy syndrome. I am stubborn, independent, outspoken and most often certain that my way is the right way...any more questions about why I am single???) On the other hand, it could be nice to have someone special in my life. 

My next step is to define "nice" to get to my "why."

According to my daughter, I have turned in to one of those annoying single mothers, and she is ready to sign me up for internet dating.  Luckily I caught on when she said, "Let me make a video of you. Say something nice about yourself". When I asked her why we were doing this, her answer was "Because you are just not photogenic, but you can't screw up a whole video. Now mom, if you were to go out with a guy, what would you be looking for...." Guess that was her hint to go find someone to share my life with before I'm too old. Maybe that will be have to be part of my "why." 

Bottom line is, if you are just going through the motions, nothing will ever change.  Without goals, you cannot make your road map for success. But if you don't know WHY you want to reach your goals, even the best plan will not get you there. 

I hope when you count the stars you begin with yourself, and may you embrace the moonlight with your dreams.  ~Dodinsky

Have a fabulous week!