I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

Happy International Women's Day!!

Oh yeah, I'm celebrating!  I'll admit it; I'm a feminist to the core!  Don't tell me I can't do something just because I'm a woman, or that I have to do anything because I am a woman.  Not gonna go over well! If it's not required or forbidden for men, then the rules are the same for me, and it better apply to my daughter too. 

And let me just be clear. As a feminist, I believe I and every other woman deserves equal opportunities, equal pay and equal rights to men. I don't want to be a man.

I am woman....through and through. Some might see my femininity as a vulnerability, I see it as a strength. As I put on my dress and high heels, finish my make up and color my lips, the woman looking back at me in the mirror, is one that expects to be taken serious by both women and men, and so it is. I don't have to be the best at everything, or have an answer for every question. Frankly I like knowing that every day, I probably will learn something new. Most of the time, that is a pleasant experience. Other times, unfortunately, one learns that manners is still scarce among some. Shake it off and move on. 

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. ~Faith Whittlesey 

Born in the 70's, I guess I should be grateful we have come such a long way....or have we?  It never occurred to me that my gender would be an issue when applying for jobs, or that choosing to become a mother would somehow lessen my value as an employee. Sadly, that still seems to be the case. I remember a college professor telling us that "if you have a name like Chris or Pat or any other that could be used for both women and men, do not indicate on your resume or cover letter that you are a woman". My initial though was, and still is, "why on earth not?" Is it really still a question whether a woman can be as qualified and good at a job as a man? Well after last years presidential campaign and the so-called "war on women", I would say the time clock seems to have been turned backwards, and we really need to step it up for women's rights!  

If you think that men and women are wired differently, I won't argue with you.  But if you don't see that having a good mix of both women and men in an office makes for a great work environment, then I will.  If you don't see that women might attack an issue from a different angle than a man, but that she at the same time gives valuable insight that might otherwise have gone unnoticed,  I will. If you don't think that being a mother gives you great experience at multitasking, not to mention settling disputes, I will. If you think that women who work their way up the corporate ladder, should have to compromise their values and accept unwanted advances, snide remarks and so on from their male counterparts, just for trying to break in to the  "good ole boys club" of upper management, I will.  Enough, already! We shouldn't have to put on our big girl pants and deal with it.  Instead, things need to change!

When I ask my daughter what she wants to be when she grows up, the fact she is a girl should have no bearing on her choice. Her interests and abilities should. Let it please be so when she gets to that point. Just to  be on the safe side, I continuously advice her to find a career where she can start her own business....'cause you know, women can do that too.

Back to my high heels. My point in all this, is that the time women no longer should have to fight for their rights is long overdue. For decades women have been blamed for their own misfortunes.  The way we dress is the reason men cannot help themselves from harassing or raping women. We are too fragile to manage the tough life of upper management...or was it that we care too much about our family to always put work first?  When we stand up for our rights, we are feminists, ugly at that, and who wants to listen to an ugly woman...?!? Please, go find a man to take care of you instead.  Again, enough already!

I don't need to be taken care of. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. I don't expect anything for free. But I do expect the same opportunities as my male counterpart. I do expect to be paid the same for equal work, and I certainly expect to be able to make all decisions regarding my body myself!! More so, I expect to do all this dressed in my sometimes too short skirts and too high heels....and red lips too.  Isn't it time it is so?

Motherhood Is Not For Sissies

Remember when you were little and playing with dolls, and dreaming of the day that doll would be a real baby?  If you were anything like me and my friends, you graduated to playing with real people, making the youngest one  the baby, the oldest one the mom and so on.  I was fortunate enough to have a playmate who always wanted to be "pregnant". Being the youngest one, I was given the role as the unborn baby, and had to lay under the bed until they decided it was time for me to be born...and they wonder why I'm screwed up.

It took me a while,  but when I hit 30, the clock apparently started ticking really loud, and I decided it was time to become a mom. Beside my choice of who to have babies with, I have never questioned that decision, which really makes me wonder what extra gene women were given to endure the transformation from "put together professional with a perfect life" to .... well, this.

First you go through 9 months of turning the body in to a whale, all while hormones are flying and taste buds are going nuts. I expect that was an experiment to test the dads.  Then, for most, after agonizing hours in pain, you squeeze out this little, screaming thing. The exhaustion of going through labor, the joy of finally being able to get your body back, and the knowledge that you made it and the baby is healthy, is then all bundled in to unconditional love for this little, squirming, wrinkly baby. No matter what she looks like, she's perfect!

Then starts the real fun.  Weeks and months of no sleep. Getting puked on, peed and pooped on, constantly cleaning up dirty diapers, a never ending mountain of laundry (how is that possible with such a little person?!?), and definitely a severe lack of "me time". The reward of seeing your baby grow and getting to know you, changing and learning something new day by day, is all you need to keep on going.

Then comes the toddler years, where you can no longer have anything nice. At least not anywhere close to where she can reach it. Everything is locked up, and starting out, the baby locks are just as effective on adults as the toddler. You might get a full night sleep, but you also need it after spending the day chasing a toddler in every direction, developing the infamous eyes in the neck and an extra set of arms (OK, that might not actually happen). Being a mom should tell any potential employer you're a great multi-tasker...I'm telling you, it's a good thing they make babies and toddlers cute!!

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Yet again, the rewards seem small, but only to the outsider.  A hug or a sticky little kiss from the "princess" will brighten any mom's day.  Sad, little puppy eyes and a single tear, will melt any mom's heart. And the "I love you mom" at the end of the day, makes it all worth it!   

Then they start school, and the fun of trying to fit in, making new friends, learning and being as smart as the next kid starts.  And when everything is not as you hope they would be, mom turns in to teacher, therapist, and most of the time super-mom. You are still bigger than life, and as far as they know, there aren't any problems that mom cannot solve.  We do our best to live up to that!

We teach them manners, right from wrong, the joy of sharing and giving, little tidbits of real life, all while keeping traditions alive with Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. But most importantly, we teach them about unconditional love.

Next they tend to go in to what I refer to as the "awkward" period.  Their looks are changing, and most are either missing teeth or have some that are just too big for their little faces.  Somehow moms start the transfer from supermoms to stupid-moms during this period.  We're definitely good to have around, but unfortunately no longer privileged to every little detail of their lives anymore. Some conversations are now reserved for BFF's and not for mom.

Teenagers?  We are getting awfully close, and all I can hope for at this time, is that princess does not automatically turn in to punk, and that all our embarrassing - if you ask my kids -  talks about life's little mysteries, as well as realities regarding dating, drugs, and growing up in general has stuck in the back of her mind.  I am now the full fledged "stupid mom" - nothing "super" left in this one. I am also old fashioned, totally uncool, know nothing about fashion, and am really only good for driving mom's taxi, paying the bills, cooking and cleaning. Occasionally I am also good for mending a broken heart, breaking up fights, settle arguments and give a little boost to the self esteem. But only very occasionally. The rest of the time, could I just please leave them alone?!? ....the countdown to adulthood has started.

Sadly I don't think 18 is going to be the magic point.  More like 48.  They are my kids, and will forever be more important to me than I am. That is not saying I will forgo my own well being for theirs, but I will never stop worrying, helping when I can, make suggestions and hope they follow them, and...well, be a mom.  The reward will always be in seeing their accomplishments - little or big, their happiness and well being, and of course feeling the everlasting, unconditional love. And that, my friend, is what makes parenthood all worth it!

2013 Is the Year To Make It Happen

It's a new year, with new opportunities. Since we survived the Mayan predicted end of the world, and life is seemingly continuing in the same fashion, I guess it's time to make the most of it. 

Step number one - catch up on my horoscopes for 2013.  It's nice to start out knowing where the planets and stars will be aligned, so I can put my efforts in where they're needed....no, really, I read it for fun, and to boost my belief that this will be my year. In fact, I read a whole slew of them, and then compiled all my favorite parts in to "my horoscope" for the year. If all comes true, I will fall in love, have great, satisfying sex (yes, that was actually predicted in one!), greatly improve my health, have a fabulous financial year (thank God!!), and make great strides in my career....OK, it did mention I will have to work a little for that one, but at least I know my efforts will be worth it.

I was really hoping to see that my kids would start listening to me, stop arguing with each other and me, do their chores without being told a million times, keep their grades up and  be the loveable, great kids I know they are; or can be, but that the rest of the world probably is missing out on. Unfortunately there was no mention of accomplishing anything as a parent...  

I was also hoping to see the date for when my lottery ticket would be a jackpot winner; probably not gonna happen, since it did state "my wants and needs will be taken care of, not my greed" - so guess that is out...unless I really lay out how that would cater to my wants and needs as well as those of others...gotta work on that one. 

A little mention about the ex deciding to be a great father and following through with it, would have been welcome too, but that is apparently not in the stars....guess even they can't figure out how to make that happen.

Jokes and horoscopes aside, I have decided to make 2013 a fabulous year. I'm tired of just getting by, not having the opportunity to do what I want, when I want to, having to say no to my kids' requests more often than not, and feeling like I'm stuck in an everlasting rut. Time to move ahead, leave 2012 and all its nonsense behind. Time to look ahead, reach goals and make dreams come true. Time to show off the 40+ and fabulous girl!  Here I come!!

Mid Life Crisis

It's a new year, and even though I have made no efforts of making new years resolutions, I have taken some time to reflect on my life. Not all discoveries of my mid-life is pleasant:

1. I have a sneaking suspicion I too am mortal.  
2. Judging by a few new lines and sagging butt, "forever young" apparently does not apply to me.
3. My bathroom mirror is a liar!!
4. My bathroom scale is no longer my friend.
5. I would like to have a relationship, but have no energy or time to pursue one.
6. According to my recollection, sex is a good thing...pretty sure I still remember how, but referring to  no. 5, that might be a mute point.
7. When I look at my now "know-it-all-so-much-better-than-you-mom" kids, my first thought has gone from "I am so lucky to be your mother" to "I have stretch marks for this?!?"
8. There is a whole lot more to remember than there used to be. 
9. Sleeping with my contacts in, is my only defense for not seeing well enough to find my glasses in the morning.
10. The prescription for my glasses is still correct. Wearing them on top of having contacts in, is what makes everything seem distorted.
11. Somehow everybody else got younger...
12. Naps.  I love naps!
13. I turn down invitations for parties and dinners, because the effort of getting ready does not seem worth it. 
14. The hair growth on my legs has slowed down. Good thing, so I have extra time to take care of that mustache...
15. My collection of "lounge wear" has replaced the "club wear"
16. The 80's fad of wearing sneakers with your dress now seems like a good idea...
17. Red sports cars are hot! 
18. My hair alone cannot make me look 10 years younger (damn it!)
19. There is no dress code at the grocery store.

...well, even with all this, getting older is still better than the alternative.  Expecting 2013 to be a fabulous year!

A Fairytale From the 21st Century

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." 

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
"I don’t think so."

Gift Buying Guide - How to Make Your Man Happy!!

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. 

1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can really never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99- cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
6. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
7. Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.
8. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
9. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
10. Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
11. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #6 and what happens when he gets a label-maker.
12. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
13. Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.  

Well, there you have it!  Don't end up with this. So follow the rules, and your man should be one happy camper come Christmas morning.... You're welcome :-)

How To End The War In Afghanistan

The soldiers have been pulled out of Irak, and there might be a plan to end the war in Afghanistan, but here's my suggestion to speed up that process.

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause, train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna, and drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.

We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.

We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.

Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.

Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!

Let us go and fight! The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.

I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!

Supermom

I'm a week post rodent invasion....I survived (barely!), but yes, I will admit, I was severely traumatized.  OK, feel free to call me a wuss; I am, and judging by other friends' stories of encountering a rat in their house, it's gonna be a while before I get over it. 

The good thing though (it's important to also look on the bright side...), I have developed superpowers.  My hearing is now about the level of a dog's, if not better.  I can hear everything! It's that same kind of hearing new moms have, that experience turns in to selective hearing.... it's baaaack!

 After a week's hard training, I can distinguish between every sound ever made in and around my house.  I am pretty sure the only one I am still struggling with, is the marching of ants on the balcony when the sliding glass door is closed.  Besides that, I got it covered. The TV and stereo sounds took a while (what the hell is with all that popping and cracking?), but thorough inspections both morning, noon and night (LATE night) has revealed nothing abnormal there...

It took a few sleepless nights to get it all down (who can sleep when there is a chance another rodent might find his way in?!?), but I got it now.  Poor kids - think they can whisper and avoid me hearing them...not working any more!  There will be no secrets from mom for the next few years...or until I pass out from exhaustion.  Not sleeping for a week takes its toll, and a half hour lunch nap just really didn't make up for it any day.

Hoping this was the one and only time I had to encounter this, but should anything else find its way in here, X-ray vision is next....and I don't really want that....well, sometimes it could be fun, but no, really don't want that...

Wishing for a non-eventful week....and a winning lottery ticket!!

This Is War!

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 Friday I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing weekend.  I had purposely not made any plans, just thinking I would get the house cleaned and laundry done, and was looking forward to some quiet time with a good book.  Not exactly how it turned out.

Saturday, I did relax and managed to do very little - very nice actually. You should try it some time.  That evening, I went out for a while with a good friend, listened to some music, watched the baseball game, and had a bite to eat before crashing and looking forward to sleeping in Sunday.  That's where things started going wrong.

Sunday morning, I woke up to the phone.  It was my sister, who I hadn't talked to for a while, and I jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes and ventured out in the kitchen while talking to her.  

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

On my newly vacuumed floor, there were little pieces of something all around the dishwasher, and I was rubbing my eyes trying to figure out what it was, when I heard something moving around behind my refrigerator....oh crap!!  My neighbor had informed me a rat got in to his place, and I had heard something in my wall, but was so sure that I had managed to close off every possible entry way...apparently not.  My worst fear proved to be true...a disgusting creature all of a sudden crawled out from behind the refrigerator, prompting me to scream at the top of my lungs....who wouldn't? The crazy woman approach worked, and the nasty critter scurried back behind  the refrigerator, leaving me enough time to get out of the kitchen. What would a sane person do next?  I have no idea.  My approach was to run screaming out of my apartment, barefoot and in next to nothing clothing, and bang on my neighbor's door for help. Sadly he was still in bed, and not at all concerned with my humungous critter invader problem.  He did call me though in an effort to calm me down.  Didn't work!  

With all doors to other rooms securely closed, and confident the monster was still hiding behind the refrigerator, I found shoes and a sweater, and headed for Home Depot to get traps, and promptly locked myself out of my apartment...who has time to think of bringing the right keys in such an emergency?

Luckily Home Depot was not very busy, and a sweet lady helped me find traps, talked me through my mental breakdown and assured me these would kill the bastard.  I bough a couple extra for good measure and headed back home.

After successfully breaking in to my own home (if things get any worse, it's good to have a plan B...), I found that the little f*@&er was gone from behind the refrigerator, leaving me even more freaked out, not knowing where he was now hiding. I stomped around the kitchen and talked very loudly to myself (kinda fitting with the crazy lady image I was portraying at the time...) hoping to scare him enough to stay away until I got the traps set. 

The traps were placed strategically (yeah right, like I was in any way capable of thinking strategy at the time....) around the kitchen, and yours truly grabbed a bag of clothes, toiletries and the laptop and headed out the door.  I called my friend to let her know I was moving in before I got there, and luckily she's that kind a friend....no way in hell was I staying at my own place!!

After showering and eating at my friend's place (both completely unthinkable thinks to do with an invader in my own place), she accompanied me back to check on the progress of my hunt.  Got him!!  Not touching it!  Ran back to my neighbor who at this time is laughing at my being hysterical over a dead rat....really?!?  Whatever, he at least got it out of my house.  Still no way in hell I was staying there.  Kids had now arrived home, and were actually sad to see I had killed it.  "Why couldn't we just keep it?"  Are you effing kidding me??? So with traps reset - maybe now with an ounce of actual strategy, I took the kids back to my friend's house. Again, she is that kind of friend, and welcomed us in to her house to stay as long as we needed. (Not wanting to ruin our friendship, I didn't want to tell her I really wanted to just move in for good...one day at a time;  one day at a time...)

Monday morning, I head back to my place to check again.  It took a while to muster up the courage to go in, but when I finally did, it was nice to see all the traps empty, and I all of a sudden was confident that little bastard was a loaner....well, if he had shown the way to anyone else, I was certainly not leaving an invitation for his friends and family to come look for him.  Emergency home repairs would be done. Immediately!  Armed with my Nickelback shirt which proudly displays in pink on the back "This Means War!", the kitchen was promptly torn completely apart to find where he had gotten in, only to discover the half ass craftsmanship of the installation of the cabinets. Whatever!!  Back to Home Depot we go,  now with measurements of gaps and possible openings for the invader to get through.  

Steel wool they say is a good tool...if you own stock in a steel wool company, you probably earned some money yesterday. There is about as much steel wool as wall behind my cabinets at this time.  Sealed with an overabundance of foam spray.  Pretty?  Well, hell no.  Do I care?  Not at all, if it ensures nothing else is able to get in here. Seriously, have you ever looked in the back of your cabinets to see how "pretty" it looks?  Not me either...I will going forward though, just to ensure the same shitty craftsman hasn't been on the loose. 

Cleaned it all up, reset traps, and left again.  I might have spent all day at home, but there was still no way I would eat  there, so back to my friend's house we go. Dirty and smelly as I was, my friend still offered to let us stay....she is so good!  Everyone needs a friend like her!  But we left, with the promise that if I heard a sound that didn't belong, we would be back. 

Laundry never got done Sunday (not my fault!!), and the kids were out of school uniforms...so reluctantly I agree to run a load through, but only if they accompany me to the laundry room. After all, it would be much easier for a rat to get in there, than in to my kitchen, and I am not taking any chances. My son finds this hysterical, and after first yelling "look out, there's a rat" and then "OMG there's a roach" (that's right, I am not a fan of bugs either), I almost ran him over with my basket and threatened to lock him in there if he didn't stop.  Roaring laughter was all the respect I got in response....

Since I sent the kids off to bed, laundry just had to wait till morning; no way was I going there by myself in the dark.  To be sure there really wasn't any more critters in our place, I decided to sit guard (not really, I was just afraid of going to bed), but by 2:30 I figured it was probably safer in my bedroom than in the living room anyway, and got at least a few hours of sleep. Not nearly enough though...hopefully tonight will be better.  And don't you dare say, "what's the big deal, it's just a rat"...there is no such thing as "just a rat".  They are disgusting, vile creatures....I am pretty certain they are one of God's mistakes (I sometimes say my ex is one of his others, but that, I guess is up for discussion), and I cannot think of any good reason for any rat to live - at least not in the city. 

We are now on day two of empty traps. Think I have won my war for now, but this is one I really do not ever want to fight again.  I do however realize I would be useless in any real war (don't get me wrong -  this is all too real for me!!), as one day of working my ass off followed by just a few hours of sleep, has left me dazed and confused...I would tell you anything now, just to get some sleep.  Useless, I tell you, which is why I think peace is the way to go - just not when it comes to rats.

A Month of Awareness

It's good to raise awareness, but with  12 months in the year, I find it a little hard to focus on three major issues all in one month.  Nonetheless, they are all worth being aware of, and doing something about, so here we go. 

Breast Cancer.

Need I say more?  We all either have experienced dealing with breast cancer, or know someone who has.  1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. I find it so sad, that so many loose their battle with breast cancer, when this is one cancer that is almost 100% curable, if caught early enough. Early detection remains the key. Get your mammograms done regularly.  Do your self exam monthly.  Report any changes to your health professional. Better safe than sorry!

There is a wealth of information on line regarding breast cancer, exam options and treatment; Susan G. Komen, NBCC, American Cancer Society are some. Most importantly though, I find, is the continued work for a cure.  Please continue donating to the organizations that work so hard to get us there!

Bullying Prevention

According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN),  "bullying can be verbal, physical, or via the Internet. It can severely affect the victim's self-image, social interactions, and school performance, often leading to insecurity, lack of self-esteem, and depression in adulthood. School dropout rates and absences among victims of bullying are much higher than among other students.

Studies have shown that children who have been identified as a bully by age eight are six times more likely to have a criminal conviction by age 24. Children who are bullies may continue to be bullies as adults, and are more prone to becoming child and spouse abusers."

As a parent, I find it my duty to make sure my children do not engage in any form of bullying, and that they learn to stand up for those who are victims. We cannot rely on school personnel to do this. It is our job as parents to teach our kids tolerance and decency in their dealings with others. Let's make sure we all do our part!  For more information, NCTSN has a listing of resources for preteens/teens, parents, health professionals, school personnel and law enforcement personnel here.  I would also encourage you to stop by a Facebook Page; Stop Bullying: Speak Up! both to sign the pledge to stop bullying and for more information on what you can do.

And last, but not least; Domestic Violence

 It is almost sad that this is still such a major problem, that we need a whole month dedicated to the awareness of it, and another toward teen dating abuse. But fact is, thousands of women and children live every day in fear. Sadly, no one is better at hiding the symptoms of abuse, than the victims themselves. If the awareness month does nothing else but get the message out to the victims that being abused is not their fault, and they do not deserve it, then much has been accomplished. 

What more can we do?  Again, there is a wealth of information on line.  Break the Cycle is one of the organizations that work diligently to end domestic abuse, prevent teen dating abuse and create healthy relationships. You can find more information about them here. 

Besides joining this group, or any other organization that works to end domestic violence, I think these are our main responsibilities:

1. Don't be blind towards symptoms of abuse in your own circle of friends and/or family - and dare to speak up when you see it.  
2. Teach our children that it is never OK to hit/slap/push or mistreat in any other way their girlfriend/boyfriend - or to be treated that way. No one who loves you, mistreats you in that manner. 

Although very different issues, the one thing we can do with regards to all three topics, is care for one another.  Encourage your friends/family members to get their exams, and be there for those who are battling cancer. Stand up against bullying and teach your children to do the same. And lastly, never accept abuse - not towards yourself, not towards your children, not towards your friends and family. When you see or suspect it, help them get help! 

Keeping the Faith

Happy Sunday Morning!

It's been hectic around here lately, which often turns in to stress, which again turns in to arguments and disagreements causing our home to not be a very pleasant place. Then when things don't go the way they are supposed to, and it feels like our lives are completely out of whack, it's hard to keep the faith that "everything will turn out OK".  That's when cute little stories in my inbox are welcomed.  This one, I found worth sharing on this beautiful Sunday. 

NEED WASHING? 

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom. She must have been about 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout... We all stood there, just inside the door of the mall. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. 

I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day. 

Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, 'Mom let's run through the rain,'  She said.  'What?' Mom asked.  'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated. 'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied. 

This young child waited a minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain...'  'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.  'No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.  'This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?'  'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ' If God can get us through this, He can get us through anything! '  The entire crowd stopped dead silent.. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one left. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. 

Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith. 

 'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just need washing,' Mom said. Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They got soaked.  They were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. And yes, I did.  I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
 

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.
 

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. 

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

Growing Up Is Overrated

Remember when you were young and couldn't wait to grow up?  Finally get to the age where you could make all your own decisions, manage your own money, do what you wanted when you wanted without anyone telling you you couldn't? Yeah well, I take it back...or at least give me a rewind button for a redo of the last few years. No one said it would  be this complicated.

As a child, I think I got angry enough at my parents to run away only once.  That lasted about an hour and a half before living outside in the cold and rain didn't seem so appealing anymore. I don't think they even noticed I was gone before I decided to turn back.

 Last week, having another downer day as everything seemed to be falling apart (again), I wondered how far I could get this time....not really, but it struck me odd that at the age of forty-something, my "escape" would be discovered far more quickly than when I was a child, and that this time, even if I was only gone for a few hours, the repercussions would be much more severe....didn't we use to think growing up brought freedom to our lives?  Someone lied about how great adulthood was!

It's not my life in general I want to escape from (only very occasionally is this the case...).  I would just like to be able to solve some of life's many problems, preferably without it causing new ones. That can't possibly be too much to ask?  Well, maybe my approach to "solving problems" is more of the "easy way out". They might be clever solutions, but the results are about the same as when treating a broken bone with a band-aid...

So off we go to actually tackle these problems head on, and find real solutions.  Yeah me!  Although winning the lottery would solve a lot of them, so let me start with getting a few (hopefully) winning tickets...hey, don't judge...

How To Avoid Shopping With Your Wife...

Do you hate having to spend time waiting for your wife/significant other to browse her way through the stores?  This guy found some clever ways to avoid ever having to do so again.  Read and learn: 

RETIRED HUSBAND
 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. 

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Ward ,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Ward , are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? 
16. And last, but not least: October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

Could be fun to try some of these just to see the reactions :-)

Reactions from Snooki's Baby....

I guess congratulations is in order for Snooki and her fiance, Jionni Lavalle, having welcomed their son, Lorenzo Dominic to the world. 

Here's what I imagine their son's reaction was when he found out his mom was Snooki:

At least I am happy to read that the rumors of Snooki saying she would not change dirty diapers when her son was born, were false. Wishing little Lorenzo the best....

Mommy Needs to Get Laid

Kids say the darndest things!  Here's the latest one from my daughter:

She was chatting with her aunt on Facebook and her aunt asked if she had signed up for gymnastics yet. My daughter had just asked me if I had looked in to this for her, and I told her I had to wait till I got my next paycheck before I signed her up. So my daughter writes:

"No I haven't signed up yet.  My mom needs to get laid or lucky first"

Here I believed I was the only one who thought it was about time....

Now mind you, this is my ex's sister she is writing this to. God knows what she is thinking about me and how things work around here anymore.

Unfortunately for my daughter, if that is what she is waiting for, sadly I think it will  be a while before she starts gymnastics....

Akin joins the ranks of dumb and dumber...

Is nothing too stupid for politicians to say?  Learning of Rep. Todd Akin's ludicrous remark that  "First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy after rape] is really rare. If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." I am guessing not. The utter idiocy of the remark is beyond belief. 

Basing his opinion on Dr. John C Wilkins statements that “This is a traumatic thing — she’s, shall we say, she’s uptight,” Dr. Willke said of a woman being raped, adding, “She is frightened, tight, and so on. And sperm, if deposited in her vagina, are less likely to be able to fertilize. The tubes are spastic.”seems ridiculous when experts time and time again has shot down this theory, and statistics show that 32,000 pregnancies are caused by rape every year. (Source NY Times and CNN)

Thankfully Dr. Wilkins is now 87 years old, and I assume, no longer seeing patients. God help the ones he has treated over the years if he has practiced all medicine with the same kind of quack theories!  I wonder though, if he would ever testify to this in court as a defense in a rape case.  "No, ma'am, she is pregnant, so there is no way this was a legitimate rape."

Do we still need to argue that the Republican party has waged "War on Women"? It seems every week they come up with something else that would take us back to the 1950's...but Mr. Akin is just over the top stupid with this comment. I also find that he completely lacks understanding of a rape victim's state of mind, and compassion for what she would go through if forced to carry out a pregnancy caused by a rape. He has spent most of the last couple of days retracting his statement and claiming to have great empathy for the victims. I don't buy it. If that was true, he would not have made the remark in the first place. 

So of course I wonder; how can anyone trust him to make sounds decisions about anything when he so clearly is not in touch with reality on this issue? I guess all we can hope for, is that the voters will use their votes more intelligently than Rep. Akin uses his voice.

No, Penis Is Not Attractive!

As I continue on my dating adventures, the things that some times come out of my mouth surprise even me... Apparently when I passed 40, that little barrier in your brain that stops certain thoughts from actually being formed in to sounds coming out of your mouth, completely malfunctioned. My new motto is "say what you mean, and mean what you say." Not such a bad motto to live by. At least not until your date conversation turns in to "penis is not attractive." 

How the hell did that happen? I am not sure how I managed to turn the conversation from "which features do you find most attractive in a woman" to "penis is not attractive", but I did. At least I added the physical features I do like in a man first, but I am sadly afraid the latter part of that conversation overshadowed any of those. 

 Not that I don't actually mean it.  I didn't say I don't like it, or that I can't find a whole lot of pleasure in one, but not from looking at it. However, even I see that it may not be the best conversation piece on a date....poor guy.  I think I gave him such a penis complex, the chance of him actually ever letting me see it, is slim to none...and so we go on, living and learning. When to shut up seems to be the hardest lesson to ever learn though, but I'll get there. Probably not any time soon, but some time!

RIP Rodney King

We didn't know him.  He never did anything spectacular with his life. Yet, everyone in the US, and I believe in most of the Western world, knew his name. The man whose brutal beating by the LAPD  in March 1991, was captured on video and seen all over the world.  The following year, the acquittal of three of the officers involved and a hung jury on the fourth, sparked the infamous riots in Los Angeles in 1992.  As I saw the news of Mr. King's death yesterday, it made me reflect on these events.

Fairly new to the country at the time,  I was shocked to see police officers act the way they did in the video of the beating of Mr. King. These men did anything but keep their promise to uphold the law and serve the public; an utter disgrace to their badge! Later, the news stories from the riots was an eyeopening event to watch unfold, and a tell tale of the still deep rooted racism and social differences in this country. I thought of it as America's dirty laundry on full display for the world to see. Sadly, 53 people lost their lives and many more were injured as whole neighborhoods were burned to the ground. As many others, I watched it in disbelief, and just hoped it would not spread beyond the city of Los Angeles.

20 years later, CNN caught up with Rodney King in their special "Race and Rage" that aired last year. Again, seeing the footage from 1991 and the riots in 1992, all while Mr. King took us back to those terrifying moments, was still shocking. However, Mr. King looked good, and I thought that even though the men who did beat him were not punished, he was compensated for his suffering, and the events definitely did bring some important issues to light. The question is, has anything really changed?

Since 1991, there has been numerous reports of police beatings all over the country; and as technology has become better, and cellphones now are in everyone's pockets, more and more have been caught on camera.  That should obviously be a deterrent for the police officers, shouldn't it?  Maybe, but is that a solution? I say not. Because if the attitudes are still there, the misconceptions and deep seated racism, unfair, and at times unlawful treatment will continue. Without changing our preconceptions based on someone's skin color, nothing will ever change. 

As a mother I work very hard on instilling good values in my children. We talk very openly about racism, wrongful preconceptions, that color never matters, and that there are good and bad people of every race. It is OK to dislike others and not want to be friends with someone, but not based on their color. However,  I have to acknowledge that racism definitely goes both ways. In order for anything to change, every race has to show tolerance and respect for others, not just expect it for themselves. 

As Rodney King's name is in the headlines yet again, I can't help but wish that all he went through that dark March night in 1991, should not be in vain. We may not owe it to him, but we owe it to ourselves to make the changes necessary to not see a repeat of those events.

Keeping the Faith

After having a bit of a downer day today, I ran across a very enlightening article.  Funny how that is; when you need it the most, someone you have never even heard of, says exactly what you needed to hear. 

I classify myself as Christian, but think I have my own quite free interpretation of the Bible. I believe in God, and although I don't attend church on a regular basis, I am very spiritual, and also a true believer in Karma.  Therefore, I do my best to live by the Golden Rule, and treat others how I want to be treated. So then everything should be good, right?  No, not so much.  

In a recent phone conversation (read argument) with my ex, he told me "Karma's a bitch", and I kinda laughed at it,  and told my friends that he should be the one worried, not me. Well, things haven't exactly gone as planned around here, and I have questioned why, when I try so hard to  be good, do bad things happen?

That is exactly what this article spoke about. It referred to the Book of Job in the Bible; the story of Job, who is a righteous and very prosperous man. He does everything according to the book, but as his character and faith in God is being tested; he loses all his possessions, his children are killed, and he is left with nothing. Yet he does not curse God. Instead he endures every test, and still praises the Lord. In the end, Job's health is restored, and he gets a second family and twice the amount of live stock (the story, which I had heard, but never read before, was actually a good read). 

My first thought was that this story was written to show that no matter how bad your situation is, someone else is worse off. But that is not the point.  There will always be someone who has less or endures more pain or hardship than I ever will. The question is, can I keep my integrity in tact even during hard times? Can I find something to be appreciative of, and trust in God even when my life seems to be falling completely apart? And, can I find that certainty in my heart, that living by the Golden Rule, in the end, will always pay off? That's the hard one. There has been quite a few why's and what's coming out of my mouth lately.  "Why does this happen to me?"  "Why can't I seem to get it together to succeed?" "What have I done to deserve this?" "Why can't things ever go the way they are supposed to?" and so on and so forth.

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The article answered those questions by going back to Job.  How no matter what happened, his integrity remained in tact, and he continued to stand up for his rights through it all.  As must we do.  Loosely translated it said, "Every day, man must stand up and fight against their own debasement. When it is at the darkest, we see it best.  In the night a new day is created."

I have learned not to ask "could it get any worse?" because time and time again, the answer has been a loud and clear "yes".  However, there is not a whole lot more walls to tear down around here, and I am praying that this is "the darkest".  It is time to create a new day.