No, Penis Is Not Attractive!

As I continue on my dating adventures, the things that some times come out of my mouth surprise even me... Apparently when I passed 40, that little barrier in your brain that stops certain thoughts from actually being formed in to sounds coming out of your mouth, completely malfunctioned. My new motto is "say what you mean, and mean what you say." Not such a bad motto to live by. At least not until your date conversation turns in to "penis is not attractive." 

How the hell did that happen? I am not sure how I managed to turn the conversation from "which features do you find most attractive in a woman" to "penis is not attractive", but I did. At least I added the physical features I do like in a man first, but I am sadly afraid the latter part of that conversation overshadowed any of those. 

 Not that I don't actually mean it.  I didn't say I don't like it, or that I can't find a whole lot of pleasure in one, but not from looking at it. However, even I see that it may not be the best conversation piece on a date....poor guy.  I think I gave him such a penis complex, the chance of him actually ever letting me see it, is slim to none...and so we go on, living and learning. When to shut up seems to be the hardest lesson to ever learn though, but I'll get there. Probably not any time soon, but some time!

Prince Charming...or his brother

You might be tired of me talking about dating, or severe lack thereof, failed internet dating attempts and so on; and if so, feel free to skip this post, because I'm at it again.

I have actually managed to go out on a few first dates...yeah, that's as far as it got.  Not that there was anything wrong with these guys. Quite contrary, I guess they could all be considered a catch. So why did it stop there?  No sparks.  Simple as that.

From joe-ks.com

Yes, I have passed 40, and yes, I realize that I am (or at least should be) looking for different qualities in a man than when I was a teenager.  I don't expect the whole fireworks, but I want sparks.  I want that instant attraction.  Not just to his looks, but to the whole man; his demeanor, intelligence, sense of humor and so on.  I want that butterfly feeling just by hearing his voice.   The problem seems to be finding all that I want in one man.

Recently I connected with one man who really does give me the butterfly feeling when I hear his voice.  Problem is, I have not actually met him.  And I keep making excuses... We get a long awfully good on the phone.  You know how some people makes your knees weak just by looking at you?  Same thing. This guy just has it in the voice; and what he says and how he says them, just makes it better.

So what could possibly be wrong?  Well, my fear is, that I won't like him in person.  Then what? My whole fantasy man would be ruined, and honestly, at this point, fantasy man is kind of nice to have. On the other hand, he could actually be everything I think he is...or want him to be.  Guess there is only one way to find out. So if on Monday you hear me talking about men never being what you expect them to be...well, then  I guess my expectations may have been too high.

How To Meet a Man

Is your dating life as sad as mine?  Having trouble meeting potential candidates the traditional ways? Then maybe it's time to think out of the box.  With help from a friend,  I have compiled a listing of innovative ways to meet new guys (I believe this will work well for guys to find girls too!). 

• Go to a really busy club and stand in line to get in.  Any potential candidate can't just walk away from you, so you have all the time you need to strike up a conversation and make an impression before you even reach the door.

 Photo by Renjith Krishnan and free digital photos.net

• Trip him.  This trick can be used in a restaurant, a coffee shop or at a bar, but most discreetly at the bar.  You stand at the bar. When the potential candidate approaches, just lean in and reach for a napkin or your glass on the bar and stick one leg slightly out behind you causing him to trip over you. Apologize profusely, buy your candidate a drink and there you go.

   Photo by Photostock / FreeDigitialPhoto.net

• If the bar scene is not for you, try the grocery store.  Browse through the store for the perfect candidate and crash into him with your grocery cart.  Now be careful not to hit him, only his cart. A bruised ankle does not make a good first impression.                      Photo by Suat Erman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

                   

• What better place to find a candidate who shares your love for reading than at the library? Browse the facility for the perfect candidate, then go to the other side of the isle, carefully push a book  a little too far into the shelf, causing the book on the other side to fall onto him.  Again use caution and don't pick a shelf too far up.  You want to get his attention, not give him a concussion.  

Photo By Roland Darby / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dress like this, and you are sure to get his attention....and probably get arrested...

•  Big bags are in, so throw in a bottle of soap and some disposable towels. Add a men's cologne or body spray and a hand cream if space permits.  When your candidate goes to the bathroom, follow him. Once he comes out of the stall, be ready with your impromptu bathroom service. OK, I admit, you might have to be desperate to try this. Just the thought of entering in to the men's room in some facilities grosses me out.  Could work well at festivals and outdoor concerts though. You know the ones with the lovely portalets... Change out the soap for hand sanitizer and disposable wet towelettes and voila, you'll be the most popular girl there.        
  Photo by Winnond / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Guess we just have to try it.  If you have any other suggestions, please add them below.   Good luck!

Dating Etiquette

I am sitting here alone on a Saturday night wondering if I should be worried that my latest romantic fling is over.  Why, you say?  Well, life happens, and I had to cancel our date again. That was 7 hours ago, and he never even acknowledged that I canceled.  I checked the message to make sure I sent it to the right person, since I have been known to sometimes create a bit ackward situations by texting the wrong guy. It is not my fault that I have too many friends with the same first name!!  But this one went to the right person, and now that I see it in writing, canceling a date by text may not be the most personal way of doing it.  Kind of tacky if I may say so myself.

However, if I had called, I probably would have ended up telling him that I did not even try to get a baby sitter, because I really didn't feel like going out tonight.  Next weekend though,  I am certain I will be in the mood.  Unfortunately, by then, I may not have anybody to go out with.  Crap!  I guess when you cancel Valentine's dinner (even the belated ones) and the following weekend, it may seem you are not so interested.

Then again, if he wanted to see me, he could come visit me. Well, at least if I had told him where I live.  But if he really wanted to see me, he could have called and said he wanted to come see me, so I am blaming this entirely on him.  I am just being a good mom!

Dating vs. Friendship

I had the perfect summer fling last year; of my list of must haves in a guy, he was a perfect 10. And for the first time since leaving my marriage, I fell in love.  The good times ended abruptly; however, when Yours Truly had a major meltdown, and decided to put it all in an email in the middle of the night.  He apparently was not ready to deal with "the dark side" of Ms. Pink. Sadly, you don't get great make-up sex for meltdowns...that apparently only comes with arguments. Of course I wish I had thought of that before sending the infamous email, but I wasn't thinking too much at the time.

We have since made up and are now "friends".  No we are not!  It is impossible to be friends with someone you totally fell in love with.  I know that some divorced couples manage to stay friendly; I try that too.  When you have been in a partnership with someone over several years, you continue to care about their well being, and in many instances there are children to consider, but I dare to say that none are true friends. My "perfect man" and I text flirt; not during sex like some apparently like to do, but texting while on a date is not so bad...; we email,  some times we talk on the phone, and very occasionally we meet for lunch.  Basically we try to act like friends, but every time it stirs up all those good feelings again, and then the not so good ones when things go nowhere...again.

 So we are moving on, but sadly, he seems to have ruined the whole dating experience for me.  Rather than seeing the good in any other guy, they all get compared to him, and never really measure up.  Someone said that love is the only cure for a broken heart.  But it's hard to fall in love without really giving a guy a fair chance. Wish there was a cure!  If you know of one, let me know!

Beauty, Brains or Both

Oscar Wilde once said "It's better to be beautiful than good, but it's better to be good than ugly!"  There might still be some truth in that.

Pretty girls seem to get away with, and get their way a lot more than the less fortunate in the beauty department.  Good girls get sympathy, but is no contest for the pretty girls; they do however, have a hand up on the ugly ones.  And the same goes for guys.

Sadly I am not too good to admit that when I was younger, I always secretly wished for those pretty girls to fail miserably....when one ended up as a teen mom with a loser boyfriend, or another doubled in size and all of a sudden wasn't so pretty, or when one had been so busy being pretty, she almost failed high school and was not in any position to go to college, I would eagerly gossip about her with my friends. But that was a very short lived satisfaction.

Of course there was a time when I too wanted to be the prettiest girl at the party. Unfortunately  I don't think that ever happened, and as I get older (thirtyten by now), that seems so much less important. Oh, I still try, but I'll be happy with "there is nothing wrong with her" at this point. So what are we to do when age sets in and beauty fades? Maybe that is when we find our true selves. I say like me for who I am, my personality, my opinions, my outlook on life and how I treat others. Then we'll have something to talk about as time goes on.  Like me for my looks and we will have a very short lived relationship....there is only so much help in wrinkle creams and hair color.

It's human nature to want others to like us.  We all want to hear how great we are, but at this point, I don't want to hear about my looks.  I see myself in the mirror every day, so when I get the "oh you are so beautiful" line, obviously he's either lying, drunk or blind....and neither of those are very interesting.  But I'll take that lie over what I received last week. This guy had asked me out, but we hadn't found a time that worked for both yet. After his apparently wonderful weekend, he texted me and stated "so sorry you couldn't be there, I was horny as hell". I'm sorry? What part of me agreeing to go out dancing translated to "she wants me... all of me"? And made him think that I would find that flattering?  Needless to say, we're not going out after all.

I'm no Cougar! Not a MILF either, I think; problem is more I can't tell age....

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Happy New Year!

New year, new opportunities!

This year I celebrated New Year's Eve with my girlfriends.  Girls' night out, and we had a blast!  It would have been even better if I had not decided to wear my new shoes...they were awfully sexy with heals so high that my ass was almost back in place, but an hour or two in to the night, my toes were killing me!!  Nothing a few drinks didn't help, so open bar was a good thing!

Anyway, we danced the night away, and started off the new year really feeling our age, but oh how much fun we had. Good thing it's a whole year till next time!  We must have impressed somebody though, because by the end of the first day of the New Year, I had three invites for dates, so 2011 is really looking up.

I have great expectations for this year; career wise, health wise, and yes, in the romance department. Pretty sure this is my year!

Guess we'll find out!

Wish you all a happy and eventful 2011!!

Reentering the Dating Scene

This will be a tough one.  I got married young, so I'm a little out of touch. The few "relationships" I've had since regaining my single status are really nothing to write home about. But my girlfriends have convinced me I should start dating again, so I'll give it a try.

Some are pushing internet dating sites, but I am still convinced those are just for people incapable of meeting people in the real world, so that is out. I did consider "Date a Millionaire" until I realized that everyone on the site wants to date one, but no one actually is one. Just kidding.  I really would not date someone for their money.  Frankly I am not sure where to meet a new man, or if I even actually want one. I guess the only way to find out, is to try.

For starters I set up a wish list - the qualities I think the guy should have.Aim high and hope for best; that's my motto.  So here it is:

• Tall, dark and handsome (that means OVER 6'.  5' 8" is NOT tall)
• Well established (OK, in these times, at least employed)
• Intelligent
• Good sense of humor
• Enjoys the outdoors
• Active
• Non-smoker 
• Romantic
• Enjoys an evening out
• Good hearted

That should do for now.  If you know anybody who fits the description, please send him my way :-)

Oh, first, please check the NOT's:

• Long hair (read pony tail)
• Biker
• Gang member
• Criminal record
• NRA member 
• AFA member (oh - I'll have to do a separate post just on this organization....)
• Illegal alien

Now on to the Where.
Holiday parties is an option, but I am fairly certain the males will be sorely lacking at the ones I have been invited to so far, and girls are not yet interesting as a date.
Gym??  Yeah, that would work if I actually went to a gym.  Maybe next year.
Church...if so I'll have to find a new one. In ours they're either gay or married.

Hmmm, think we might have to go out and try the club scene. Wish me luck!  I'll keep you posted!