Young Talent

And here I thought  I had a few years to help my kids make plans for their future, but apparently I am way behind schedule! 

Little Baerke Van Der Meij from Netherland, has already been signed to a symbolic 10 year contract with the Dutch soccer club VVV Venlo, and he is not even 2 years old.  But check him in action:

Apparently this performance has been compared to Beckham's commercial. Compare and judge for yourself:



Fairytale Wedding

My alarm is set, the recording is scheduled, my appointment book is clear - I'm ready for the Royal Extravaganza to begin. Whatever.  Am I the only one who really could care less that Kate is getting her prince?

Photo by Salvatore Vuono/freedigitalphotos.net

It was exciting when Diana got married 30 years ago, and I even caught a glance of Fergie's wedding, but that's when I was a child and being a princess seemed like the ultimate dream.  After seeing how Princess Diana was hounded by the press, and how mean the press and the British people were to Fergie, I can't help but feel sorry for Kate.  "Run, Kate, Run!!" 

Maybe Prince William is nicer, or at least more affectionate than his father, and Queen Elizabeth won't be her mother in law, but she is still becoming part of the British Royal Family, and they just seem impossible to please.

The only reasons I can find to watch the wedding, is to see the wedding dress (which I will be perfectly happy to see a picture of later); if she has done the traditional thing and chosen hideous bridesmaid dresses; and last, to see what Prince Harry will do this time to embarrass the royal family.

I'm pretty sure they have tucked away that Nazi uniform he showed up at a party in a couple of years back, so my bet is he will just drink too much and be his normal "funny" self...

Photo by Boaz Yiftach/freedigitalphotos.net


Could get interesting, but still not worth getting up at o-dark-early for....

Things Men Just Don't Get

I don't think anybody will argue that men and women both think and act differently. That's a good thing! Two of me in one house would never work....but as much as we try to get along and understand each other, there are certain things men just don't get:

1. There is no such thing as too many shoes!

 Men might be able to get along with only 3 or 4 pairs of shoes.  For women; however, shoes, like accessories, has to match every outfit; hence a new outfit deserves a new pair of shoes. It doesn't matter that we have 40 or 50 pairs in the closet, there is always room for one more!

Photo by Maggi Smith/freedigitalphotos.net


2. "Nothing" never means "nothing". Figure out what you did wrong.

3. Me knowing how to use my tools, does not make you less of a man.

 Some men still think of women as these helpless creatures. Not true!  My tool set might be pink, but it works just as well as your black one. Just because I know how (or can follow directions well enough) to put together furniture, hang a shelf, or other not too difficult tasks around the house, does not mean I'm challenging your manhood. Believe me, you would know if I was.

Photo by Graeme Weatherstone/.freedigitalphotos.net


4. If I have to do the clean up after your cooking, it's really not that big of a treat.  I will freely admit I am not that great of a cook, and the kitchen is not my favorite room in the house. The refrigerator on the other hand, is my best friend! But when I do cook, I also know how to clean as I go, so the kitchen is not a disaster zone. As much as I love getting a home cooked meal I didn't have to prepare myself; if I have to clean up afterwards, and the cleanup includes wiping down walls and scrubbing pots and pans for an hour, don't bother.  Take-out is so much less work!

5. Shopping a great sale is equivalent to saving money.

 Why can't guys get this?  I need new clothes for work, and wait for that great sale at Macy's. I bring along my extra 15% off coupon along with any other deals they may have mailed me ahead of time, and find great clothes at a great discount. When I only pay $117 for the $400 worth of clothes, yes, I did save almost $300. Don't argue that I wouldn't have bought the clothes at full price; that's not the point. 


Photo by Photostock/freedigitalphotos.net


6. Bitching is not an invitation for you to provide solutions to my problems. Listen, sometimes we just want to vent! I want to do the name calling about whomever it is I'm bitching about. I want to feel sorry for myself. I want to just be angry and get it all out.  What I don't want, is suggestions on how to resolve the situation. Once the explosion is over and I'm back to my normal, much less psycho self, I'm perfectly capable of figuring that out on my own. 

Just listen, nod your head and pretend to care. Take my side and agree that the everybody else is wrong. Don't make it more complicated than it is.

Photo by Nuttakit/freedigitalphotos.net

7. Getting flowers is nice any day of the week, just not when you did something wrong. I love flowers, and even though the birthday, Mothers' Day, Christmas and "just because" flowers are the nicest, I also like the apology flowers.  However, a lot of women don't.  The flowers just serve as a reminder of whatever he did wrong, and thereby prolongs the pain.

And please, do not send the flowers to the office.  If it's not her birthday, anniversary or a special holiday, we all know he did something wrong.  "What did he do this time?" gets old really fast!

8. Women treat intimate details different than men - we can share, you can't. Some things should probably not be shared at all, but women usually have that one really close girlfriend with whom they can share anything. And then I mean anything! But those relationships are built on mutual trust, and any private details never goes further than the two of them.  We love our men, but we will talk about them and our relationships with our girlfriends. That's just how it is.

But I will admit, if my husband had ever shared the same details with his buddies, I would be furious.  Double standard? Maybe, but I've encountered too many assholes who took the information their friend shared with them in confidence and made it in to a great story at a party. So unless the buddy has the touchy-feely gene, no details should be shared...

Photo  by Idea Go/freedigitalphotos.net

I'm Taking a Stand To End Slavery!!

In my previous post Embrace your freedom, I wrote about CNN's Freedom Project.  I hope all of you are following that as well. 

Over the next few months, they will continue to shine a spotlight on the horrors of human traficking, and are asking us to get involved. Their first assignment is to submit a picture or video of yourself holding a sign stating "I'm taking a stand to end slavery".  We did.  I hope you will too, and please feel free to share them with us here.  You can read more about the project here.

The Pains of Getting Older

Not quite there yet, but the bitchy, bloaty and psycho comes out occationally....must be pre-menopausal symptoms. Guess it is just a matter of time before the others show up too.  This sucks!

Happy Easter!

It's been a busy week, and I feel the need to laugh a little, even at really bad jokes, so here we go:

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later the rooster walked in, saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and beat up the peacock!

Afraid of overeating chocolate?  Don't be:

Chocolate is a health food. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived either from sugar beets or cane, both vegetables. And, of course, the milk/cream is dairy. So eat more chocolate to meet the dietary requirements for daily vegetable and dairy intake.

Also remember that chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger., and who wouldn't want that?

And just see what happens when you leave the chocolate for the kids....

OK, one more:

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A. He doesn't want the other bunnies to know that he was fooling around with the chickens.

And last one:

Happy Easter!!

She's a Child, NOT a Sex Symbol!!

Once, when my daughter was 3 and swimming at the beach in just her bathing suit bottoms, another child, maybe 6 years old, asked why she wasn't wearing a bikini top. Throughout the day, I had several others, including parents, ask the same questions, and I looked at my daughter and wondered why, at the tender age of 3, people thought she needed to cover up. Cover up what?
Now, in elementary school, I allow her to choose clothing when we go shopping, but there are lots of items that stay on the rack either because of the cut of the clothing or the wording printed on them. Sometimes she argues, but I always win.

So let me join LZ Granderson in saying Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps!  Little girls do not need push-up bras, padded bikini tops, pants (or underwear for that sake) with unfitting slogans printed on them. They don't need to dress like 18 year olds and "flaunt it" - they're children!  Make sure they still look like one.

Mr. Granderson gives a lot of good examples, but the stupidity of some parents seems never ending, so let me also share this video of children "dancing" at a birthday party. And this is funny?  I want to slap these people!!

A friend of mine once told me that these sleazy Halloween outfits were selling so well, because parents thought that's how they were supposed to dress their little girls for trick or treating.  Are you serious?  Since when did we stop thinking ourselves?  If nobody bought it because it was too revealing, too sexy, too flaunting, then obviously the manufacturing company would make outfits more appropriate for the age group.  Supply and demand - it's as simple as that!




Photo by Tina Phillips/freedigitalphotos.net

When my daughter wants the same outfit as her friend, because "everybody wears that", I do still refrain from saying some of her friends look like tramps, but barely.  We can take that battle during the teenage years; for now she is still a child, and will dress like one!

Are You Sure You Want to Share That?

After some not so intelligent late night text messages, and some unfortunate status updates on Facebook (that I at least had the brains to remove the next morning...), I have joked that my next invention will be a breathalyzer app  for cellphones.  Something to make you think twice before sending that text after a certain hour, or blocking it completely until you can answer a few math problems correctly.

After checking out Lamebook.com, it's pretty evident there is a great marked for this.  These were my favorites:

 Sadly, I don't think the feelings are mutual....

 

Hillbilly's on vacation???

Guess he listened when he was told to always be prepared....

 

Guess when you put it on Facebook, it must be true LOL 

 Busted....

And if you share his name, the rest of the world can make sure they don't go out with him either....

Too Old for Parenting

Please tell me this is not true!  

Rumors has it that Zsa Zsa Gabor, at the age of 94 is planning to have another child via surrogate with husband number 9, Prince Frederic Von Anhalt, who is 67 years old. 

 

Seriously?  At 67, wouldn't Grandpa be a more fitting title that Daddy? And 94?!?  At 94 you are lucky to be alive, and even more so to still have working braincells.  Then again, if they actually go through with this, it's pretty clear she has completely lost her marbles...

Celebrity Crushes

If I had endless amounts of money, I would pay for Matthew McConaughey to be my personal trainer. OK, I know I'm a little old for celebrity crushes, but he is still the sexiest guy in Hollywood.  I figure his body would be a good carrot to run after. And when  I got tired,  I can hear him encouraging me with that sexy "drawl" of his. Pretty sure he could get me in shape!! 

He's totally easy on the eye. Now that he no longer is dazed and confused, and has learned from the girlfriends of the past; and we know how not to loose him in 10 days, he is almost the perfect guy.

Then I would have Usher sing to me all day long....yep, I have a bit of a crush on him too.  If  I was going to do the whole cougar thing, he would be my choice! I would not argue if he wanted to love me down after the DJ had us falling in love. Pretty sure  I would scream out louder for more....

Too corny??? OK, but a girls gotta have some fun :-D 

How To Meet a Man

Is your dating life as sad as mine?  Having trouble meeting potential candidates the traditional ways? Then maybe it's time to think out of the box.  With help from a friend,  I have compiled a listing of innovative ways to meet new guys (I believe this will work well for guys to find girls too!). 

• Go to a really busy club and stand in line to get in.  Any potential candidate can't just walk away from you, so you have all the time you need to strike up a conversation and make an impression before you even reach the door.

 Photo by Renjith Krishnan and free digital photos.net

• Trip him.  This trick can be used in a restaurant, a coffee shop or at a bar, but most discreetly at the bar.  You stand at the bar. When the potential candidate approaches, just lean in and reach for a napkin or your glass on the bar and stick one leg slightly out behind you causing him to trip over you. Apologize profusely, buy your candidate a drink and there you go.

   Photo by Photostock / FreeDigitialPhoto.net

• If the bar scene is not for you, try the grocery store.  Browse through the store for the perfect candidate and crash into him with your grocery cart.  Now be careful not to hit him, only his cart. A bruised ankle does not make a good first impression.                      Photo by Suat Erman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

                   

• What better place to find a candidate who shares your love for reading than at the library? Browse the facility for the perfect candidate, then go to the other side of the isle, carefully push a book  a little too far into the shelf, causing the book on the other side to fall onto him.  Again use caution and don't pick a shelf too far up.  You want to get his attention, not give him a concussion.  

Photo By Roland Darby / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dress like this, and you are sure to get his attention....and probably get arrested...

•  Big bags are in, so throw in a bottle of soap and some disposable towels. Add a men's cologne or body spray and a hand cream if space permits.  When your candidate goes to the bathroom, follow him. Once he comes out of the stall, be ready with your impromptu bathroom service. OK, I admit, you might have to be desperate to try this. Just the thought of entering in to the men's room in some facilities grosses me out.  Could work well at festivals and outdoor concerts though. You know the ones with the lovely portalets... Change out the soap for hand sanitizer and disposable wet towelettes and voila, you'll be the most popular girl there.        
  Photo by Winnond / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Guess we just have to try it.  If you have any other suggestions, please add them below.   Good luck!

Again, Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

Laser treatment, shaving, hair removal cream....there are so many options. Waxing just doesn't seem like the best one LOL.

Dumb and Dumber

So after writing about Iggy Pop last week, I went to a concert Friday night. And wouldn't you know it, two older, not at all attractive guys pulled their shirts off....like any of us actually wanted to see them shirtless. So I snapped pictures just for fun, but check what else I found when I looked a little closer:

I can't tell who the other two faces are, but the guy has a tattoo of Hitler on his back.  Seriously?!?  Like being old and overweight wasn't a big enough deterrent not to remove clothing in public, he also chooses to show off these tattoos? 

Who the hell is stupid enough to get a permanent print of Hitler on their body, and then actually blatantly display their ignorance to the rest of the world?  Well, obviously this guy is.  His buddy is just old, guess we'll give him some slack for that, but he still gets the "dumb" for hanging with Mr. Tattoo. 

And they wonder why they can't get a date....

Are you Dating Material or Just Dick?

My friend gave me the link to this blog Black Girls are Easy. She described the name of the blog as "interesting"; I on the other hand, find it to be ridiculous. But it's just a name, and reading his blog, I have to admit, he candidly provides a man's perspective on relationship issues...


However, his one post, Are you Wifey or Are You Pussy? deserves an answer, from a woman's perspective. I'm sure I'm older than the majority of his readers, but my age group makes up a large portion of the single women today, and we are raising the next generation of young women. So hear me out.


First of all, not all women want to be Wifey.  Frankly, quite a few of us who have been there and done that, do not want to go back. We're quite happy being single, and we don't need a man to be "complete". So I won't even talk about what it takes for a man to be husband material. That being said, it doesn't mean we don't want a man in our lives, we just want to control how much he gets to participate.

You may think you met the perfect girl, and that she is all in to you, but sadly, you may just be a dick.  Lets start with the obvious. If you met in a bar and have a one night stand; even if she wants to see you again, chances are, you are just a dick. You are satisfying her immediate needs/wants, and if it was good, lucky you, you get to do it again. That doesn't mean she wants you for more than sex. That, and to show you off to her girlfriends.  You will probably never meet any other friends than the ones she was with the night she met you, nor will you ever meet anyone in her family.

If she insists on meeting you out for your dates, or come to your place, and you still don't know where she lives after the third date...you are just a dick.  Women live by their intuition, and if she doesn't want you coming to her front door to pick her up, or bring her home after a date, you're definitely not dating material. She is just passing time with you until something better comes along.

When women go out showing it all off, they are usually not looking for dating material....I take that back. Some women still think that is how they will find their perfect man, but that is usually the ones that still feel like they need a man and/or are lacking the self confidence to see that they have much more to offer than their looks and what's between their legs.  Self confident, intelligent women will dress it all up and go out just to get the looks. To reinforce that they are still all that, and knowing that they are more.  She'll accept the free drinks and the compliments, and then leave the guys behind.  If she did leave with a man, they are going to his place, and she won't be there in the morning...sorry, he was just a dick.

Dating material is privy to the girl's home address. When he brings her home, he is invited inside - maybe not on the first date, but soon.  You have real conversations about things that matters, not just flirting and chit chat bullshit. You spend time actually doing something together. Her stopping by for an afternoon delight is not spending time together, that's just proof you're a dick.

Dating material is welcome to spend the night, because he is someone she wants to wake up next to. If she is making excuses for you to leave after she is satisfied, again, you're just a dick.  Even if you stayed through the night, if she's not happy you're still there in the morning, chances are you're just a dick. On the other hand, if she offers coffee and breakfast, you're probably well on your way to dating material.

Dating material gets to meet friends and family. She wants to know that he fits in with her crowd, because her friends will always be the best. He is included in her social plans, and she'll expect him to participate when she wants him to. I'm not saying she wants to control his every move, just when he is allowed to participate in her life. 

Bottom line is that in this day and age, women do not define themselves by their relationship with a man. Women are independent and handling all aspects of their lives quite well on their own, and we're raising our daughters to be the same way.  Having a man in our lives can be nice, but most of us are well beyond needing a man.  Dating takes effort, and frankly, many women are not willing to put forth the effort to make a longterm relationship work, hence they are quite happy with just dick.

Iggy Pop - Not so Hot

Apparently everybody is shocked that Pia was voted off American Idol tonight.  I could care less, although I will admit she can sing.  I am still shocked at Iggy Pop's performance.

Not that he can't sing and still move around the stage, but isn't it time to cover up a little?  If I was born in 1947, I would think twice before entering a stage without a shirt on in 2011.  Dude, you're 63!  Not even grandma wants to see more of you than she has to. 

Eeeewww!  We can tolerate this on the beach, but on stage on national TV? You would think after being a performer for over four decades, the old man could afford a shirt!!

Talking Twins Translated

Most of you have probably seen this video of these two baby twins having quite a conversation.  Thanks to the Ellen Show, we can now understand what they are saying. Enjoy.

Embrace your Freedom!

I have decided to change my focus in life a bit.  No matter how bad or tough I think my life is, I don't have to look very far to see others who have it much worse.  So this week I am finding ways we all can help those less fortunate, and projects that  I believe deserve mentioning.

Even though we ended slavery here in the 1800's, human trafficking is still a huge problem, and slavery is alive and well both here and in the rest of the world.  We see it in prostitution, in the mining industry, the garment industry, in electronic manufacturing, the fishing industry and I am sure many others.

Prostitution rings should be the easy one to fight - without demand there is no need for supply. Sadly, the oldest profession seems to have plenty of demand, not only for women, but also for children.  Cheap labor and maximum profits seem to fuel the practice of slavery in the other industries.

Picture by Worradmu/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

CNN is running an ongoing series on modern day slavery; The CNN Freedom Project.  I encourage you all to take some time to read these articles and watch some of the videos.  Afterwards I hope you will join the many who fight this epidemic on a daily basis.  You can find ways you can help fight slavery here.

Have a blessed day and embrace your freedom!

Go Barefoot!!

Some things are worth sharing, and Toms Shoes' efforts to provide shoes to children in many developing countries is one of those. 

Photo by Simon Howden/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today, April 5th, 2011, join me for their One Day Without Shoes campaign. Throw off your shoes and go barefoot for a day! You can read more about the event here. 

A Good Laugh

Wonder if ripping up my credit card bills will make me feel this good too :-)

Boys and Their Toys

I guess we  all can boost our self confidence with appearance.  Women will usually feel better about themselves wearing nice expensive shoes, purses and jewelry, having beautiful nails, make-up and a great hair cut.  But I think we use that confidence a bit different than some men whose egos expand in tact with the size of their toys.

We had a beautiful spring day yesterday, and I enjoyed an hour in the sun on a dock by the canal, reading my book and watching boats go by.  Loved it!  As custom is, when a boat went by, I, along with the others on the dock waived, and most waived back. 

This beautiful cabin cruiser passed by, and again we all waived as we admired the boat.  The "captain" waived back and then did the "would you like to join me" arm motions. I love going out on boats; preferably with people I actually know, though, so I jokingly did the "sure, come back and pick me up" motion (if you're not familiar with this kind of body language, go hang out on a dock...), then went back to reading my book. Don't you know the idiot actually stopped his boat, and backed up....

Photo by Rosemary Ratcliff www.freedigitalphotos.net

Everybody else on the dock got a good giggle out of it as the boat approached and this vertically challenged, potbellied man invites me to join him for a boat ride. There were two other couples on the boat, but he made a point of stating he was alone and it would be nice to have a single woman join him. Whatever!  My mom always told me not to get into cars with strangers...I can't imagine she would approve any more of me getting on a boat with one. 

Now I'm quite tall, and in my 3" heels, I stood up and towered over this little man.  Thanks for the offer, but no thanks, as I could feel my cheeks burning...Nothing like being approached by Danny DeVito Jr. in front of a whole group of strangers.

I would love to say I'm out of his league, but apparently I've been moved to the minors...then again, he obviously had money, and in some guys minds, money can buy anything. So maybe I'm pretty enough to be the trophy he needed for the boat???  Yep, we're going with that one!  Good thing I wasn't in a bikini...

Did You Get Fooled Yet?

I love practical jokes and good April Fools stories.  The best is seeing how many people actually fall for these stories... To date, BBC's "Swiss Spaghetti Harvest" is still the best hoax ever run by a serious news station.

Many viewers contacted the station wanting to know if they could grow their own spaghetti tree (?!), to which BBC responded: "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin can of tomato sauce and hope for the best".

And how about the "Taco Liberty Bell" (and Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial) hoax, 

 the story of Alabama changing the value of Pi,

or the left handed Whopper (which Burger King reported they had sold many of, as well as had several requests for "the regular right handed Whopper")?

 Not to speak about the law making "drunk driving on the information highway" illegal (now that may not be such a bad idea after all....),

the whistling carrots,

or the French aviator who dropped not a bomb,

 but a football on a German camp during WWI with a note attached that read: "April Fools".  I love it!  You can find more of the best April Fools hoaxes here.



On to plotting and planning my own little hoax...